


All That you don't Remember

by CitrineGator



Series: We’ve known each-other for so long [1]
Category: HLVRAI - Fandom, Half Life But The AI Is Aware
Genre: Abuse, Animal Death, Black Mesa Sweet Voice, Blood and Gore, Body Horror, Child Death, Childhood Friends, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Disection, Human Experimentation, Hurt/Comfort, Ima just preface that now, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Knives, M/M, Medical Experimentation, Medical Trauma, No sedation, Not A Game AU, Other, This aint a nice fic, Transformation, Vivisection, bascially, benrey n gordon meet as kids!!, but he dies a lot, good/ hopeful ending, gordon iz pre transition here but like, hes revived every time he dies, im just here going insane with overdescription, it's not even mentioned, tommy caring abt his friends compilation, trauma baybe!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-10
Updated: 2020-12-02
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:15:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 8
Words: 22,307
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26926447
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CitrineGator/pseuds/CitrineGator
Summary: Benrey was an alien created on Xen, and then he was taken from his homeworld and captured by Black Mesa. What happened to him? Nothing good, I promise you that.
Relationships: Benrey & Forzen (Half-Life), Benrey & Gordon Freeman, Benrey & Tommy Coolatta, Forzen & Tommy Coolatta
Series: We’ve known each-other for so long [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1952236
Comments: 77
Kudos: 125





	1. uhrm. yowch

**Author's Note:**

> whoaaahhaha vent/ kin fic... what! i don't believe it! kidding *evil little grin* its just as i expected  
> anyway! this is my evil little take on how Benrey got into Black Mesa and what happened during his time there. This aint a nice fic. like, at all, but I promise promise promise it has a semi good ending. So like, despite the tags. it will be okay. but the first few chapters are going to be solid angst.
> 
> and please please PLEASEEEEEE do not read this if you are uncomfortable with the tags. all ov those things are gonna be recurring points so PLEASE don't read this if they'll trigger anything. Keep yalls selves safe first n foremost

Before, there was nothing. There was an absolute certainty that there was not anything anywhere because nothing was quite real and nothing mattered. There was no reason for anything to matter if there was nothing in the first place. No thoughts, no sensations; just the sureness of the void. 

And then, suddenly, there was _something_. A sense of self? Realization of existence? He wasn't quite sure. The most he was able to comprehend at the moment was the fact that he was now here... Wherever here was. Soft spongy ground squished beneath his knuckles as he curled his hand into a fist. His clawed fingers pressing against the soft skin of his palm. 

Opening his eyes, he was aware of the dim green sky overhead, pupils narrowing on instinct to adjust to the soft lighting. He would have assumed, opening his eyes for the first time might have hurt, but there was just the beautiful, murky, nebulous expanse stretching out above him. Sprinkles of distant colored lights glimmered above as he slowly blinked. A group of flat, reddish creatures passed overhead occasionally, never dipping low enough to fully make out their forms, but the got the feeling that they were observing him as much as he was to them. 

A nice sensation built in his chest, something he didn't yet have words for. As the emotion steadily increased, it finally burst past his lips in a high-pitched song, bubbles of white and peach tinted bubbles periodically streaming from his mouth along with the sound. He watched with a distant sort of curiosity as the bubbles rose tighter into the sky, eventually bursting into a thin mist that dissolved into the air. 

_Peace_ ; the feeling was peace. 

Slowly, he became aware of an aching in the pit of his belly. Hunger, his thoughts supplied helpfully. Creaking upright, he finally surveyed his surroundings, predatory, slitted eyes scouring the strangely fleshy landscape. Cords of faded red, blue and yellow wrapped over the padded ground, looking vaguely akin to neurons and pulsing in much the same fashion. The ground shifted beneath him as he made his way into a crouch, his hearing stringing to pick out the different sounds in the world he'd later learn was named Xen. 

Picking up the noises of something organic, a soft chittering of something he couldn't understand, he heaved himself to his feet. Swaying unsteadily for a moment, he waited for his vision to still before slinking off in the other creatures' direction. As he traveled, he caught sight of different kinds of plants. Bladed appendages of varying sized protruding from holes in the ground, lashing out when he got too close. Small, reddish bulb-like plants that gave off a soft glow and retracted into the ground as he passed. Only re-emerging as he stilled or when he'd already moved onwards. And large, almost mushroom like structures, growing up from the ground on four limbs, huffing out the occasional burst of spores. 

Finally, he located his quarry amidst the alien planet, tongue swiping over finely sharpened teeth as he watched with an intense focus, hunger sharpening in his belly. The animal was yellowish-tan in color, standing upon two muscular legs, its thick tail swishing back and forth. From where he was poised just above the creature on a ledge of startling green crystal, he studied the animal as it turned around to wipe over its back, marked like black and red patterns like a leopards pelt. The long red feelers on the front of its face split further apart as it turned back around and leaned down to take a drink from the glowing puddle beneath it. Showing off a fanged, gaping mouth before its head plunged into the water. 

Seizing the animals momentary distraction, he leapt from atop the crystal onto the animals spotted back. Immediately, the creature lurched beneath him, fangs sprouting from the ends of its feelers, it tried to lash them back at an impossible angle in an attempt to throw him off. Sinking his claws into it's flesh, he distantly felt his body warping and extending. A thick, tar like substance bursting from his back as he pulled the creature back and drove it into the ground. As the two new arms just beneath his shoulder-blades set to keeping the creature in place, he felt his features shifting; elongating out to form a snarling maw of jagged teeth, hastily formed and shoved into the front of his face. But the hurriedly assembled teeth got the job done as he lurched forward and clamped down on the creatures head. Feeling the animal still beneath him, the extra set of arms sunk back into his skin with a slick pop. Nosing the animal over, he proceeded to delicately tear open its chest, exposing the innards. 

Getting down to work, he effortlessly carved away strips of meat, reveling in the sharp iron tang that came as he stripped warm muscle away from the body. He made short work of devouring the meat, easily gulping it down in a matter of moments. 

Easing back from the body, he leaned over the pool the animal had originally been drinking from and splashed a handful of water over his face, cleaning the crimson from his now, back to natural features. He watched for a moment longer, letting the water still enough to where he could make out his reflection. Glowing eyes stared back a him from the puddle, a mess of short black hair sat atop his head, the same shade as the dark shadow beneath his eye, obscuring the uppermost half of his face. 

Plunging red streaked hands into the pool, he cleaned off the rest of the thick liquid from his greying skin. Deciding after a moment that he was clean enough, he rose, brushing off his knees and heading off to find someplace to sleep. 

He spent a good few years living easily on Xen, not that he understood what years were, let alone the passage of time. The most he noticed was how his natural form began to grow after a while. Not by much albeit, but still. Growth. 

He was ten years old when he was awoken by a large crash outside the crevice he'd shoehorned himself into. Squeezing himself from the gap in the rock face, his attention was jerked to the lefty by an unfamiliar scream of pain. Clawing his way over the stone, he peered down to where he'd heard the shriek from, And low and behold, it was something _new_. There was limited biodiversity on Xen, given the smallish floating islands on which they al lived, the total number of species ranged to about ten total. Eleven if he was counting himself and the others like him. 

But this was new. The creature walked upright like him and the red eyed, later dubbed Vortigaunts. It was covered in a thick orange and grey shining skin, softer looking spots showing near its joints as it half ran, half limped away from the Houndeye that was steadily stalking after it. The animals fishbowl of eyes around the front of its thorax watched the creature with a hungry sort of look, the brilliant blue gills on its back raising like hackles as it tromped forward. Its beak clacked in anticipation as it crouched low already preparing to leap. 

An uncertain feeling built in his chest as he glanced from the wavering air around the Houndeye to the orange figure again; he could smell their desperation and fear from here. It wasn't a primal, animal sort of fear, it was more familiar. Clenching his teeth together, he lunged forward taking the Houndeye by surprise. It let out a surprised whine before he clawed through its underbelly. 

Shifting back slightly he waved the wetness from his hand and glanced back to the orange creature, staring curiously as it withdrew a dark, curved stick from its side. Pain rippled though his body as two loud sounds came from the creature. Yelping in alarm, he stumbled back as his body knitted itself back together, the two holes closing nearly as soon as they'd appeared. The orange figure shook slightly, the fear scent coming off of them stronger now. The sour burn of emotion tore though his chest as another hole blasted though him, this time healing faster than before. He'd just _saved_ this creature and it had the audacity to still try and hurt him! Wiping the excess blood onto his legs, he spat out a dark blue surge of bubbles, charged with an angry feeling. But now that he was closer, he could make out features beneath the rounded head, the shining dark layer going partially see-though as the light hit it, revealing a face similar to his own. Tanned skin and wide dark eyes, features pinched into a look of abject terror. 

Okay, so maybe they were scared. Coming in and ripping apart another creature wasn't exactly a smooth entrance. 

Seating himself on the spongy ground, he attempted to appear as unthreatening to this new creature as possible. Because he had no reason to fear anything new. Not yet at least. And suddenly, another orange armored creature crested the hill, a larger sort of stick carried in its arms. The first gestured to him and the dead Houndeye, chirping something loudly in an alien language he couldn't quite understand, though the meaning of the words was sitting on the tip of his tongue. 

The second seemed to understand just fine though, and quickly pointed the large item at him, and in an instant, a net was crashing down upon him. Metal mesh dug into his skin as he was launched back a distance. An ugly feeling thrashed in his gut as he tried to break free, rage spewing forth past his lips in an angry red mist. A sharp pain in his side brought his attention back to the creatures, a third and fourth appearing from where the second had come. 

He felt his eyelids drooping as he glanced to the wound in his side. A bright feathery item was poking into him. Liquid ink pooled up from the cuts the net was causing as it constricted around him. 

The last thing he was able to pick out before his eyes fluttered shut was the first orange figure jerkily approaching him. 

. . . 

Pain was the first sensation that came back to him as he slowly woke. An aching in his head and thought his whole body. He didn't _feel_ injured anymore, but everything hurt in a remote sort of way. Cracking his eyes open, he winced at the harsh white lighting. Fighting back a wave of nausea, he shivered, realizing just how _cold_ it was. 

The overhead lights were bright enough to be nearly blinding, his eyes adapted to the permanent semi-darkness of Xen rather than whatever this was. A sour smell floated though the air, making his nose wrinkle in distaste. He could tell he was lying on top of something, no heat radiated off the surface, rather leeching what little body heat he put off and replacing it with a horrible sort of chill. Cuffs of the same cold material pinned him to the unforgiving surface, preventing any movement aside from his fearful trembling 

He didn't know where he _was_. Nothing was familiar at all. He would have rather taken on all the creatures on Xen rather than endure this for a moment longer. As he attempted to shift, to break free from his restraint, a jolt of pain wracked his form. Shaking violently, he let out a harsh cry, acidic green bubbles bursting past his lips as the pain was taken away. With a stuttering breath, he squinted in the bright light, picking out a hazy figure in the room with him, a sharp, gleaming object held delicately between their fingers. As they drew closer, he was able to make out more features, able to realize how painfully _similar_ they looked to him. And ultimately, how different they were. 

They had the same basic form, head, two arms, two legs; but their skin was off, a faded yellowish color. And their eyes, wide and open, rounded pupils framed by blue. Their teeth were flat, fingers tipped with blunt claws; it was a wonder they even managed to capture him at all. 

He could tell they were trying to speak to him, or maybe just speak at him, though he was slow to realize what it was. The unfamiliar words filtering in as bits and pieces before full coherent sentences. Not that he understood what they were saying anyway, it was all nonsense to him. 

"Its smaller compared to the others we found, but it seems to have more regenerative properties." 

"Stronger than the other two as well." 

"I'm not particularly worried about that with all the precautions we have in place. Will it be able to regenerate while I work?" 

"We found a sedative that slowed the response time on that while it was out." 

"So shall I get on with the procedure then?" 

There was no response from the other voice, but the creature in the room seemed to take their silence as conformation. Padding forward, they flicked the gleaming silver instrument in their hands, the item drawing toward his chest with clinical precision. He writhed as the sharp edge dug into the space just below his collarbone, a watery, high-pitched blue flurry of orbs escaping his mouth as the blade dug deeper. And his body wasn't healing. Skin wasn't reforming how it always did. He was cut open and they just stared. 

"Whats with the arsenal of colors and singing?" the disembodied voice asked. 

"Method of communication probably, keep going?" 

"Go ahead. Keep it alive for as long as possible." 

With that, they continued, forcing the blade through thick skin, layers of fat and muscle. Only stopping mid-sternum to start again at his other collarbone, drawing the edge diagonally downward to meet the other cut. He couldn't see from the painful angle his head was arched back at now, but he could feel his lukewarm, tar-like blood pooling over his skin. Cascading off his sides and lapping at the bottoms of his arms as desperately he tried to free himself despite the painful jolts he received in response. Agony wracked his small form as the creature above him continued to cut though him, batting away his periodically spewed, colorful cries for relief. 

His vision darkened considerably as the blade withdrew from his torso, white speckles dancing above him as a weak sigh of dull red slipped from him. 

"It's dying now," the creature in the room with him murmured, it's tone much too removed for what they were doing. 

"It healed itself before, it will be fine. Collect the samples you need." 

As the creature dropped the edge with a stinging clatter, they reached their hands into the incision in his chest, sifting though organs and muscle without care, finally making him black out. 

He knew he was dead. It wasn't really an _issue_ per-say, just more of an inconvenience. He'd just have to wait it out till his body could heal itself once more. But when he woke again, where would he be? Back on the cold table? Another blade readied to split him apart? Or somewhere else; maybe tucked away into a glass box. Watched by invisible outsiders as they took notes on his pain. As he cried out in a volley of colored, hurting hues that meant nothing to them. The thought of it made him shake. Or want to he guessed; he was still very dead. 

Maybe if he'd sensed the danger beforehand he wouldn't be here. If he'd ignored that one scream, if he'd killed the creature after the first time it tried to kill him. It didn't matter now. He was here, and he would get out. _He would get out_. He imagined tearing apart the creatures who'd restrained him as they'd sliced unfeelingly into his smaller form. He imagined sprouting arms from his body to lift himself from the restraints they'd used to bind him. He imagined the cold material splintering apart into jagged sections as he broke it. He imagined the familiar taste of blood in his jaws as he escaped, serrated teeth glinting in the too bright light. 

He would get out. And when he did, he would revel in their pain as they had in his.


	2. emotion called friendship?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yow yow yow! imagine writing a whole angst fic for a non-serious gmod rolepay video-series... 
> 
> anyway! animal + people death this chapter!
> 
> (also, sweet voice translations fo last chapter, dark blue is i hate you, acid green is please don't be mean, blue like a tear is i feel fear and blood red means i want u dead)

He woke with a sudden gasp, air filling his lungs with a bright stinging sensation. Raking in wobbly, sharp breaths, he rolled over onto his stomach, feeling like he'd very much like to be back in the nothingness where breathing _hadn't_ hurt so much, thank you. His tongue felt heavy and dry in his mouth, a feeling familiar with death and still completely unpleasant. The large Y shaped incision on his chest throbbed as skin slowly pulled itself back together. It shouldn't have taken nearly this long to heal as it had done now; he shouldn't have even _woken_ till he was fully healed. But here he was, panting against the rough stone flooring, teeth grinding together as his small body recovered. 

Finally well, he heaved himself onto his stomach, blinking his eyes open. He wasn't assaulted by the harsh white lighting of the previous, instead, it was quite the opposite; encased in a solid, oppressive darkness. Blinking slowly, he squinted around, pupils quickly expanding, extra eyes growing over his bared skin to take in his new surroundings. The room was in a greyscale of colors, nothing standing out as particularly interesting; there was a nest of something in the corner of the room, but it was barely larger than himself. The whole area had the same bitter smell as the one before, but it had considerably lessened here, the scent mostly seeming to come from himself now. 

Sitting upright, be brushed his fingers down hesitantly over his chest, rearing back as he felt an unfamiliar material meet his finger-pads. Looking down, he found himself draped in a pale cloth, stained black with old blood. Lifting the front of the material away from his body, he gazed down at his torso. The wound was plenty healed now, but the could still see the puffy white scars from where the edge had ripped through his skin. Hunger gripped his stomach as he placed his hand back on the ground, already requiring energy from reviving and healing. Something he'd have to take care of before a full escape. 

Nothing presented itself as an easy way out, but the framed structure behind him had the tiniest amount of light seeping from its edges. Transformation wouldn't be smooth sailing after having just died, but it beat staying here any longer. Contorting his form to something less solid, he sprouted more eyes over his liquid-y body as he slipped between the hap at the bottom. The lights outside of the room weren't nearly as bad as the ones in the room he'd first been in, but they were still much brighter and a glaring shock from the darkness he'd just been encased in. 

None of the strange creatures from before openly presented themselves, but the air was thick with their stench. He could smell a few other creatures as well, something vaguely like him, something older and much more dangerous, many of the other animals from Xen. It was a disorienting cacophony of scents that looped over each-other in no particular order that made him recoil slightly, but his hunger pushed him on. 

Snaking down the bright passageway in the direction of the more animal-like scents, he felt his stomach twist as he finally picked up the sound of growing after going a distance through the labyrinthine halls. Arriving at his destination, he let his extra, unnecessary eyes sink away into his body. Five headcrabs were trapped in a mesh sort of material in the center of the room, repeatedly launching themselves at the grating they were trapped in. Fierce little snarls escaping their fanged maws as they inevitably tumbled back onto the ground. Slipping through the room, he easily maneuvered through the tangled wires and quickly dispatched the smaller animals. 

They didn't really stand a chance in the first place, but having them already confined felt much too easy. Satisfaction fled through him as he slipped back into a regular, more solid form. He set to eating the animals, saw-like teeth tearing easily through pale flesh. They weren't quite enough to fill his belly, but it was a start. 

He jumped at the sudden crash from the other side of the room. 

Head snapping up, he glared at the intruder; another one of the creatures almost like him. The _prey_ version of himself. Its dark eyes widened at the sight of him, mouth flapping open soundlessly as it stumbled backward over the items it'd dropped. 

A dark feeling roiled in his chest as he stood. He knew it was something bad, probably something he shouldn't have been relishing in. But his claws were already growing longer in anticipation, black mist spewing forth from his lips as he lunged forward, a razor-sharp sense of glee bursting forth from him at the cry of terror the creature made. 

It was painfully weak, even the headcrabs had kicked up more of a fight than this. It'd had a whole hallway to retreat into, it had a momentary chance to run or fight; but instead it stood stock still, it's singular whine of horror being the only thing it did before teeth clamped down over its throat. Warm salty blood flooded his maw as the creature gurgled something unintelligible. Its death wasn't nearly as satisfying as he'd been anticipating, there was no real struggle in the whole debacle. Really, it just felt kind of pointless; the creature wasn't even good enough to eat. 

Just as he was leaning back to continue down the hall to search for the exit, he heard a faint tapping coming from further along. Two sets of approaching footsteps. He might have been excited at the prospect of maybe more interesting prey till he caught their scents, a chill immediately washing over him. _Older and_ much _more dangerous_ , along with something young like him, but still radiating the same awful feeling. Before he was even able to turn and at least _try_ to plot out an escape, the two padded into view. 

They were both considerably taller than him, each with a piercing stare that rooted him in place. Despite how badly he wanted to run, to sink into the ground beneath his feet, to do _anything_ , he was stuck. The two stoped a short distance away, the smaller eying the body of the creature at his feet before looking to the blood on his face. 

"So you have... Breached containment," the older one droned, its voice nearly as grating as the aura it put off, "And killed one of our... Employees." 

As the frozen sensation lessened, he slowly lifted himself back upright, bristling slightly at the two, a burst of clear orbs flying free from his mouth betraying his alarm. Now he _understood_ what these creatures were saying, but stringing together a sentence of his own was a whole nother' task. 

"M' hungry," he finally ground out, the words sounding foreign and strange in his mouth. 

The taller one straightened slightly, almost imperceptibly quirking its mouth upward, "That can be fixed. The scientist however... Cannot. The way I see this, you have... Two options. We can look over this... _Accident_ , and you will cooperate with the companies demands. Including the one to stay in your cubicle. No harm will come to you, should you agree to the first term. Or... A group of security officers will be forced to emerge from around the corner... And you will have to be put under extensive _examination_. The choice... Is yours." 

Not much of a choice. 

Licking the leftover blood from his lips, his gaze nervously darted to the space behind the two, then back to the taller creature, "Can do the first one. Uh, comply and things. But no... No more of the ripper things. The sharp stuff and bad smell." 

The taller creature stared at him for a moment longer, something almost like distress flashing across it's hardened features before nodding, "That is acceptable. I will... Guide you back to your cubicle. Follow me." 

He jumped to attention as the taller creature tuned on its heel, stalking back down the hallway in the direction he'd come. The smaller one was watching him now, but will considerably less apprehension than before. 

"Come on, we've gotta go," it said, jumping forward over the body of the creature and taking his hand into his own, pulling slightly as it lead him after the taller creature, "My names Thomas," it said frowning slightly before correcting himself, "But I like Tommy better. I know you don't really have a name yet but uhm, Dad tole me your uh, code something. It's B3-NRY, I think. Which- which isn't much of a name, but it does kinda sound like Benrey! So I uh... Do you want to be called Benrey? Would that be okay?" 

A little more than dazed, he nodded, wiping the back of his and over his face, "Sure," looking away from Tommy, he watched the floor passing beneath his feet while he figured out etc words he was trying to say in this new language, "You both... Smell different. Not like the uh, the prey ones." 

Tommy nodded, "Yeah we- we're not human. But Dad made sure we looked like them to uhm... Hide in plain sight I think. Something like that." 

He- _Benrey_ wrinkled his nose slightly, "You guys aren't like me though." 

Tommy shook his head, "Different species. But I- it's nice to know somebody who uh, isn't human too." 

The taller creature abruptly stopped, opening the entrance back up to the dark room he'd awoken in, "We are here. I will arrange for... Food to be brought this way." 

Benrey turned his gaze back on Tommy, a new sort of fear flooding through him at the prospect of being alone; his grip tightened slightly, "Will I see you again? I don't... It's not cool here, will you come back?" 

Tommy glanced glanced up to the taller creature, "Could I?" he asked. 

It stilled a moment, apparently not having expected the question. After a too-long second it finally gave them a stiff nod, "I will see what I can do." 

Tommy seemed to take this as a yes and turned back to Benrey, baring his teeth in a happy sort of way, "I'll come back and see you later." 

Benrey was not at all relieved by the ' _maybe_ ' sort of answer, but it seemed to be all he was getting. Pulling his hand from Tommy's, he padded back into the darkness of the room, not turning to watch as the taller creature closed the entrance on him, plunging him back into darkness. 

A rotting shade of brown slipped past his lips as he sunk into the dark pile in the corner of the room. The dim shade only barely illuminating the small space. _Tommy would be back later_

He'd never had a need for anyone else. He'd been fine on his own for so long, so why _now_ was he feeling like his insides were burning without another presence by his side. Maybe it was because he'd never had the need to talk before. Maybe it was because the humans; that's what Tommy had called them, messed with something inside them that changed how he thought. Maybe it was because he'd never been looked at with compassion before, and it was so vastly different from the removed stare from the human who'd cut him open, that it opened a new need in him. 

It felt _wrong_ to want companionship. But he was just a kid. 

It didn't matter. It didn't. Honest. Tommy said he would be back later, and he was going to cling to that. As a sudden wave of exhaustion overtook him, he closed his eyes and let sleep take him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WHOAH tommy moments?? anyway uhghghh m tired. goin to bed now. zzzrzghzz. benrey n tommy friendship giv me life... gman here and jus want what's best fo his son. even if its jus talking w other aliens his age.
> 
> Also! idk how chapter lengths ar gon work for this fic m just... goin along doin whatever. it iz what it iz.
> 
> (sweet voice is!! black like night means ready to fight, and rot brown means feeling down)


	3. okay, get this kid some CHIPS

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay. m assuming some of u know what has gone on in the hlvrai fandom w gore lately and since this is a fic that has it as a core theme, ima say this as a preface. (if u don't know abt the gore stuff that has been circulating please jus skip this cuz it prolly wont matter to you as long as you've read the tags)  
> I'm in no way condoning or saying what either of those people did is alright in any sense. I don't know wether or not either of those people found the fic/ art of it funny but I definitely do not find any humor in the topic. Please, please, please don't read this if you don't want to read about child gore or abuse. Its a horrible subject, and I'm only expanding on what could have happened to have gotten Benrey into Black Mesa. Again though, I'm not writing this for it to be funny, this is just my speculation of what Benrey's backstory could have been.  
> Thats all, thanks.

Apparently, the older creature, _Tommy's Dad_ , he reminded himself, had made use of his promise to see what he could do. After another long while spent in the dark room, the entrance was finally opened back up, a large slab of meat sliding across the ground toward him. Two human stood by the entrance framed in life, watching rigidly as he quickly ate what was given to him. The flesh wasn't nearly as good as a newly killed animal, but it satiated the pulling sensation in his stomach. Wiping his mouth, the two guided him from the room and down the still too-bright hall. 

The next room they brought him into was still too clean smelling and near immediately it made the hackles over his shoulders rise. There weren't any of the sharp objects in sight, but he could feel the phantom sensation of the edge drawing through his skin. A familiar dark feeling built in his chest as another person entered the room; _the one from before_. And he _knew_ how delightful it'd feel to sink his teeth into that one. But the invisible threat to comply or be put back under a blade held him in place; they'd caught him once. So he just stood there, bristling slightly. 

It stalked forward, examining him from a few paces away, "The incisions have healed nicely," It stated blandly. Waving one hand, the two guards hurried him to a seat off to the side of the room. The person folded themself into the chair across from him, leveling him with a flat stare that he returned with contempt. 

Shifting in place, it laced it's slender fingers together, arching their head back slightly to stare down its nose at him, "Specimen B3-NRY, you are the first of the three we've taken the liberty of _extracting_ from Xen. Our third subject has unfortunately perished from testing, but seeing as it was the weakest of the bunch, it's a manageable loss. _You_ on the other hand, would not be. Now, I've been told you can understand what I'm saying as well as speak, so I think it would be in your best interest to listen." 

If not for the two figures behind him, he might have launched himself across the space for the blatant threat. Tommy's Dad had _told_ him. Maybe not about killing the other person, but surely everything else he'd done. How else would he have known he could speak? 

Seemingly oblivious or just uncaring, the person continued, "This department of the research facility is designed for keeping our more _unreliable_ investments. Now, if you adhere to Black Mesa's demands, we can look into finding a more comfortable space for you. But for now, you have not earned that trust. I can help start you on a more desirable route for the both of us; but you will have to obey instructions." 

Hot anger boiled in Benrey's throat as he forced out a nod, "Fine." 

"Splendid, then we can begin." 

As promised, they didn't harm him again. At least not this time around. But the scientist who'd introduced himself as Dr. Breen did insist on taking more samples of his 'blood'. It wasn't really blood, though he understood the liquid as a principle, it was more of just something that floated around inside him. Breen said something more on studying the contents of it, but Benrey wasn't paying afternoon. Fingers tapping nervously gaining the side of his leg, he kept his eyes flicking from the exit to the two guards. For the most part, they seemed comfortable ignoring everyone and everything, especially him. Or at least until they seemed like they were , till he provoked one and they pulled out another of those metal sticks and fired into his shoulder. 

Recoiling with a hiss, he slumped back in the chair to fiddle with the edge of his cloth covering. Dr. Breen was still peering inquisitively at something under some blinking machine on the other side of the room, which was so _boring_. There wasn't anything cool in whatever he was looking at, probably more of his blood or whatever. He stared unblinkingly as his skin warped back over the wound in his arm till the scientist gave a drawn out sigh of frustration, "Take it to where Gman requested. I'm done for today." 

One of the guards grunted in response, lifting Benrey from the chair with a one-handed grip and dropping him back to the floor. He managed to catch himself before tripping, but he still casted a heated glare and a spurt of irritated green to black back over his shoulder at the unsympathetic guard who'd handled him. 

The two corralled him back down the halls till finally he was shoved into an unfamiliar room, this time actually causing him to fall over. A rough material scrubbed against his forearms as he fell, but instead of rising he closed his eyes, letting his arms fall to his sides. He waited for the entrance to close before before rolling over onto his back, folding his arms tightly over his chest. 

"Are you alright?" 

Benrey blinked his eyes open, "Huh?" 

Tommy was squatting down next to him, gazing at his face with apparent concern, "You uhm... They pushed you over on your way in." 

Closing his eyes again, Benrey shrugged, "Yeah they're uh... Not very nice." 

"It didn't seem like it," Tommy paused, shuffling with something above him. He couldn't bring himself to look at whatever it was just yet, or at least till he heard a sharp hiss and caught scent of whatever he had his hands on. 

"Whoa, wait, what's that." 

Tommy glanced down at him with a half smile, "It's soda. Do you want some?" 

Sitting back up slowly so their foreheads didn't knock together, Benrey made grabby hands at the can in Tommy's grasp. As he passed it over, he gingerly inspected the orange can, it was lukewarm, but it didn't stop him from raising the opening to his mouth. 

Almost immediately, he spilt what must have been most of the soda over his face. Screwing up his face, he leveled the can back out and squinted over at Tommy who'd doubled over in abrupt laughter. 

"Think this soda stuffs not good. Poured all over my face..." 

As Tommy regained his breath, he held one hand out like he still had the can in his hand, his eyes glimmering brightly with amusement, "No you- you've gotta put it right up to your mouth. So nothing- so it doesn't spill all over the place." 

Trying again like how Tommy had shown, his mouth filled with the liquid along with a strange bubbly sensation. His first instinct was to spit it back out because it was _weird_ but it wasn't exactly bad either. Dinking was was left, he stared own in to the empty can before crushing it and attempting to shove it into his mouth as well. 

Tommy grabbed his wrist before he could get there sputtering out another laugh, "You don't _eat_ the can Benrey. If you're hungry I can get you something else." 

Spitting out a burst of teal, Benrey blinked at him, "Wait, for reals?" 

Tommy nodded vigorously, releasing his hand but taking the crumpled can for good measure, even though he _definitely_ could have eaten it no problem, "Wait right here," he said, baring his teeth kindly again. 

As Tommy stood back up and trotted a short distance away, rooting through high cabinets, Benrey finally took in the details of the room he'd been shoved into. The entrance to the room was a lot nicer and much more open than the dark one he'd been staying in, the gap beneath the door was spacious enough for him to slip through, but he didn't wasn't to leave just yet, especially with the promise of food, so he turned around to survey the rest of the room. The space to his left was filled with clean, bright furniture. It all looked much more comfortable than the puddle of soft blankets in the corner of his _cubicle_ but looked harsher in some way. It was probably from all the cold tones of white, grey and blue. Aside from the few brightly colored items scattered about that he safely assumed were Tommy's, the room was in a solid palette of cool sone colors. It reminded him of the clinical more than anything else so far, albeit he hadn't seen much, but it was still enough to send a shiver though him. So instead, he trained his house on the room Tommy was still searching through. 

The two rooms were connected, though the soft material cut off at the edge of the room, _kitchen_ something else in his mind supplied. He didn't know how he knew these terms already, but he chalked it up to the fact he was slowly gaining more understanding of the language he hadn't known before either. No reason to dwell on it; it just was. The adjoining room was colored in an equally cold black and white, but as Tommy walked back out with a bag of striking red in his hands, Benrey's attention was drawn away from the slow to ring alarm bells in the back of his head. 

Gingerly opening the bag, Tommy passed it to Benrey who was still sitting on the floor. He made sure to be more careful this time around, at least having learned a little from the soda. Carefully reaching into the bag, he grabbed a handful of the food and promptly shoved it into his mouth. HIs full attention immediately shifted to the bag in his hands as he swallowed, quickly shifting his features so they were narrower and more extended, then shoved his head inside of the pouch's opening. 

He could hear Tommys laughter starting up again as he hastily consumed the contents of the package, but it was the last thing on his mind till the bag was empty. Finally pulling his head back out, he let his appearance shift back to something more natural, watching Tommy; who'd settled down ahead of him, with a lidded stare. His face was sticky and kind of gross feeling, but the insistent hunger that still held him in a vice grip was more important at the moment. 

"You uh... Got anymore?" He asked almost hesitantly, glancing back to the kitchen. 

Tommy was happy to let him eat till he was finally full for the first time in days, peppering him with questions every once in a while. A few of them Benrey didn't know how to answer, like, 'how can you change your face like that' and 'why do you have black blood'. He didn't know. Maybe the scientist guys did now. Probably not though. 

As Benrey was in the midst of fumbling to figure out the Beyblade toy Tommy had handed him, he couldn't help singing out a soft and comfortable shade of yellow. Catching sight of Tommys thoughtful expression, he glanced back up, "You uh, got more of those thoughts in your head?" 

"I was just wondering what the uhm... What the bubbles mean? Because they look- they seem to change color depending on the situation." 

"Oh, huh," Benrey watched listlessly as the finally bubble popped again the ceiling, the yellow color swiftly disappearing on the air, "That one was uh... Happy. You give me the uh, happy yellow, good feels." 

Tommy smiled, sliding his own Beyblade onto it's ripcord in a practiced movement, "Happy like... Sappy yellow," he glanced up abruptly, furiously path his crossed legs as he grinned, "Like a rhyme! Sappy yellow means Ima' uh... Happy fellow!" 

Benrey looked away, focusing back in on the Beyblade in his hands, awkwardly trying to copy the simple move Tommy had made to put his Beyblade on the launcher thing, "I... Yeah, totally bro. But uh, show me the Beyblade thing again? S' stuck." 

They spent the rest of the time they had playing with the various toys in Tommy's room, thankfully avoiding more of the questions he didn't have the answers to, but Tommy was insistent on figuring out the colorful songs he'd decided to call his _sweet voice_. Eventually though, his Dad, _Gman_ ; that's what Breen had called him, reappeared to take him back to his room. Benrey hadn't heard his approach, but his all-encompassing, oppressive presence let him know that he was there. Resisting the urge to whirl around in fear, he cast a hooded glance to the stiff figure in the doorway. 

"It is time... For Benrey to leave." 

Tommy pursed his lips, "Alright..." 

As Benrey got to his feet to follow Gman out the door, Tommy abruptly stopped him, insistently tugging at the hem of his sleeve. He could feel Gman watching them both as Tommy scrambled for something in a drawer. Pointedly he ignored the older mans gaze and the prickling feeling that was rising on the back of his neck. Pulling away with a grin, Tommy padded back to him and passed over a soft blue cloth. 

"I saw you had some holes in your shirt so you can- you can have this one of mine." 

Carefully, he took the satiny fabric from Tommy's outstretched hands, rubbing it between his fingers as he stared down at it, "You uh... Really gonna give this to me? Stupid... Mean guard guys might put holes in this one too. You for sure?" 

Tommy nodded energetically, "It's okay, if they do I can uhm, I can get you another!" 

Distantly, Benrey nodded, still focused on the shirt in his grasp. Because it was _his_ now. Tommy had just... Given it to him. It was his. 

Bright feelings arose in his chest as he mumbled out what might have been considered a thank-you and dashed after Gman who'd already left the room. Only when he was _sure_ Tommy was out of sight, did he let out the soft little song. It was all blue, blue, blue, something soft and warm; and he wanted to wrap himself up in the feeling as much as he did the new shirt. Maybe if he'd stayed a little longer Tommy could have told him what it meant, but for now, he was happy just to cloth the soft fabric to his chest and follow the sound of shoes clicking against the hard flooring ahead of him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay aside from the stuff up top! GURAHHJHDJHJFF THIS CHAPTER WAS SO HARD FO ME TO WRITE LOL. i kept having to go back n rewrite cuz i jus kept hitting roadblocks so sorry if this is a lil choppy from that. like... even typing it out *dies*  
> N i know NOTHIN about actual Half-Life lore, so m sorry lol. Needed a bad scientist dude n Dr. Breen is like, evil im p sure so *throws it on in*
> 
> blue like a pond, means we share a bond! :) (and tha teal from earlier was surprise AND hunger)


	4. a new buddy!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GOD. i listened to hand over hand by roland faunte the entirety that I wrote this chapter so. emotions in my heart bro. i haven't stopped thinking about it since i heard it for the first time n i figured id share.  
> anyway!! Cw for a fight scene this chapter! theres a lil blood but not that much. also perma-death mention but nothin really happens w that

It took much too long for the team of scientists studying him to figure out they wouldn’t be able to take whatever healing factor was in his body and apply it to whatever it was they were trying to. So finally, they called it quits after nearly a year, which Benrey was wholly thankful for. The daily routine of taking samples of his blood and questioning was starting to get worse as the scientists patience wore thin with him. So when they'd announced that they couldn't do anything more with the supposed 'data' they'd collected, he couldn't help but grin. He would take the win even if it wasn't much.Though it still pressed the question of what would happen to him next. They wouldn’t just let him go, so it was either figure out another set of experiments to put him through or finally figure out a way to kill him for good. The thought made his stomach toss uncomfortably so he focused back in on the video game Tommy was playing. 

It wasn’t really something he would choose to play on his own, something about taking care of virtual animals in a zoo, but it was relaxing just to watch Tommy go about playing it. As he was in the middle of changing up the colors on one of the wolves, Benrey tapped on his shoulder his impatience getting the better of him. Not that he’d been trying to resist it either, but now the thought was weighing on his mind. 

“Yo, as bomb as this uh, animal gameplay is I’ve uh…” he trailed off a moment giving Tommy the time to glance up at him where he was perched on the couch above him, “Gman has got some like, insider knowledge on what’s going on, so I was uh, wondering what’s gonna’ happen.” 

Quickly saving the game, Tommy shifted his position on the floor so he could better look at Benrey, “What do you mean?” 

Benrey scrunched up his features, not particularly wanting to explain, “The uh… Breen dude cleared the team saying he couldn’t do nothin’ more with me right now. Don’t… Don’t know what’s gonna happen. Since they’re done and all.” 

Tommy set the DS off to the side and re-trained his gaze on him, “Well…” He bit his bottom lip, contemplating something for a minute, “I know it’s got something to do with Forzen, but that’s really all I know.” 

Benrey groaned, sinking further into the thick shirt Tommy had ‘lent’ him a while back. Forzen was the other _specimen_ like him that they’d taken from Xen. He hadn’t ever met the guy, but he’d caught traces of his scent through the halls before, not enough to let him know anything, but just to confirm his presence. Tommy met with him just about every other day, but he could never really glean any information from him about Forzen. The most he knew was that they were pretty similar, Forzen was more scarred up than him, and that he was meaner than him. Benrey had near immediately objected to them being friends after Tommy had described him as mean; because nobody should be mean to Tommy, but he’d insisted that Forzen was okay. Because apparently Tommy _liked_ mean people. It kind of made him wonder whether he was mean or not. 

Immediately shoving that thought to the back of his mind, Benrey flopped over onto his back, “I just wanna’ know if I’m gonna be like,” he waved one hand in the air above him, squeezing his eyes shut after a moment, “You know, killed or not. Since they’re done with me or whatever.” 

Benrey stilled slightly as he felt a hand grab his own, only relaxing as he reminded himself it was just Tommy. Pulling his hand away from where it had been laid over his chest, Tommy closed both his hands around Benrey’s own. 

“I’m not going to let them hurt you,” he said, his light voice sounding much too serious. 

He nodded uneasily a short burst of high-pitched sweet voice escaping his lips. He didn’t open his eyes to look at the color, but with the way Tommy’s hands tightened slightly around his own, he knew it wasn’t anything good. 

“You uh, want to play Mario Kart or something?” he asked after a long moment, his voice holding more emotion than he would have liked, but it was still only Tommy so he figured it was okay. 

He could feel his friend’s hesitation to move on from the subject, but eventually he conceded, “Alright… But I get to be Peach this time." 

\--- 

Eventually though, he still had to leave Tommy’s place and head back to his own that still hadn’t been changed after a whole year. Maybe soon. He hoped so; he was tired of the dark. The most he’d gotten for not killing any more employees was a few extra blankets and a larger serving of food when he behaved. Which wasn't much, but he'd taken what he was given. 

He was woken the next morning; or what he assumed to be morning, he knew that’s when people usually woke up, by the door being slid open roughly. The two regular guards were outfitted in more armor than usual and already had their guns trained on him as they entered. And immediately, he knew something was wrong, because they didn’t ever aim at him unless he did something stupid, and he sure hadn’t just by sleeping. Or maybe he had, whatever, it wasn’t important. What was important, was that the guards were still advancing on him. Scrambling to his feet, he jumped away to the other side of the room, only for the guns to train on him there as well. 

Roughly, the two pulled him from the corner and pushed him out the door and down the hallway. He couldn’t help the fearful whine that left his throat as they crowded him down an unfamiliar hallway. He had only even been taken down two routes in the building, so the new route only solidified his fears, not that he could exactly escape with both guns muzzles trained on the back of his head. The two guards paused behind him as they reached an unfamiliar door, pressuring him on in as the opening finally yawned open revealing a dark maw inside. He stiffened at the sight of the new room, but as a bullet tore through his back, he wasn’t really given the choice to hesitate any longer. 

Whirling back around, he caught sight of the guards standing stock still just before the entrance closed back in on him. No light seeped into the small room, but he could hear a distant clanging around the outside of it. Just as he was about to begin exploring the dimensions of the new space, the metal container jerked forward as if being pulled by a rope. Lurching forward, he caught himself against the opposing wall answering his previous question but raising a few more in its place. 

The space wasn’t very large, maybe only four feet wide in each direction, though the ceiling was maybe a foot or two higher. He couldn’t hear anything from the outside of the box aside from the soft mechanical whirring. It wasn’t exactly a comforting sound, but it was better than being trapped in silence. Finally, the crate rocked to a stop and the back panel he’d turned around to face re-opened. Outside was a large mostly metal looking enclosure, the walls were sloped, and he was pretty sure that those were viewing panels on the walls off to the side- 

His thoughts were cut short by an electrical current running through his body. Clenching his teeth together in a silent scream his body seized without his own accord. Landing lamely, the upper half of his torso flopped into the enclosure he waited for the painful sensation to subside before slowly bringing a shaky hand up to help lift himself back upright. As he finally managed to work himself into a weak crouch, he forced his head up to observe the rest of the enclosure, near immediately locking on the form in the center of the room despite his nausea at the bright lights. 

_Breen_. Without the guards; without any visible weapons. Standing there with his usual dull-eyed stare. He was already prepping to get himself to his feet in some attempt to ask the scientist what was going on, but when he heard a familiar shout, he all but launched himself upright. His thoughts went in a dizzying, panicked circle as he grew more eyes over available skin looking around desperately for Tommy. Because undoubtedly that was definitely him yelling; and Breen was still just _standing_ there. 

And there was that horrible, ugly feeling thrashing in his gut, because if he’d even _touched_ Tommy- 

A figure hurled itself through Breen; the image of the scientist only distorting slightly as their body passed through it. Fangs sunk into his shoulder as the new creatures’ form crashed into him. Letting out a shriek of surprise more than pain he tumbled backward with the weight of the blow. Two new sets of arms busted forth from him, one set to keeping him from falling and the other prying off the stranger. 

In an instant they unlatched from the meat of his arm, skidding across the room with the force of his throw, but quickly regaining their feet. Slitted eyes stared back at him as he shifted to something more equipped to deal with a threat. 

He’d seen clips of alligators before, giant aquatic reptiles that could lurch out of rivers in the blink of an eye. Easily dragging animals back into the water with their large toothy jaws. The form Benrey took was a vague approximation of something similar enough to draw a few parallels, but still with enough strikingly dangerous differences that it had the other creature recoiling slightly at just the sight. His maw was the most extreme change, large, wicked teeth protruding from under his lips, stretched tight in a permanent snarl. The extra sets of arms rotated to his sides with a distinct crack as he snapped his jaws experimentally. The multitudes of eyes sprinkled across his armored head rolled in their sockets nauseatingly as he regained his balance, finally locking on the other figure in the room. 

Letting out a croaky growl, he tore across the space between them both in a matter of seconds, claws digging harshly into the metal. It curled under his nails painfully as he propelled himself forward with a resounding scream of dull red sweet voice. Gripping the creatures torso in his jaws he moved to bite down on it, but jolted at the claws ripping at the front of his front lip and nose. Inky blood spilled from his lips onto the floor as he released them with a howl. 

As they staggered back, he glared through watery eyes, finally taking in what he was up against. Stopping short as he realized that he _recognized_ them. Or their scent at least. He was more muscular than Benrey but not by much, and his eyes glowed a soft green rather than his yellow, but he was undeniably similar in a way no one else was. 

Forzen watched him warily as he swiped a long hand over the front of his ruined mouth. He let his extra sets of arms melt back into his body as he sat down with a soft ‘whumph’ sound. Humming wordlessly, he waited for his elongated jaws to snap back into place before turning his focus to healing. 

“You’re… Benrey?” Forzen asked, his voice vaguely hesitant. 

Nodding, he smacked his lips together, “Yeah, that’s uh, me. Tommy said you were mean but,” he frowned as he wiped the excess blood from his face, “That’s a little uhm, extra there.” 

Forzen shrugged his newly scarred face twisting slightly as he pressed a hand to the punctures on his side, “You should change your blood to red.” 

Benrey’s eyebrows drew together slightly, “Huh?” 

“Makes em’ feel worse for hurting you. Seeing a familiar color. Probably want to switch up the eyes and grey skin too.” 

“So you don’t just... Look like that?” 

Forzen wrinkled his nose, “No. But the stupid look makes them feel bad, so I’ll keep it.” 

As he inspected closer, yeah, Forzen did look a quite a bit more human than him. His skin had more of a bronze tone than his own, though he still had more of a greyish tint than the actual people he’d seen. His eyes were slitted like Benrey’s, but there was a definite ring of green in Forzen’s where Benrey just had long, more cat-like pupil and a yellow sclera. Forzen kept his fangs, but the rest of his teeth were dulled down to blunter points. The redness of his blood helped emphasize his other more human characteristics though. 

Benrey glanced idly around the room, finding the observation window again and staring flatly into it, “Don’t think they’d care too much at this point.” 

Snorting, Forzen crossed his arms over his chest eliciting another wince from him. Before he was able to make another sharp remark, a new door opened from the side of the room, Tommy jumping through the instant the gap was large enough for him to fit through. He tried to ignore the twinge in his chest as he ran to Forzen first, inspecting his wounds first before grabbing him by his arm and dragging the both of them to Benrey. 

His momentary apprehension melted as soon as Tommy wrapped his arms around them both, just allowing sinking into his friends hold for a long moment. Finally though, Forzen wriggled free of Tommy’s hold breaking the hug. 

As Tommy pulled back palming his eyes and sniffling, Benrey felt a part of his heart shatter and harden at the same time. 

“I promised- I wouldn’t…” Tommy drew in a shaky breath and Benrey could just hear the way his voice was wobbling already, “I said I wasn’t going to let them hurt you guys,” he murmured after a long minute, “And they- my Dad told me what was happening a bit ago but I was too _late_ -” 

Forzen dropped a hand onto Tommy’s shoulder, “It’s not- you didn’t know... Did what you could.” 

Tommy seemed far from convinced but nodded anyway, “I just wish I could have known more… I don’t want to see either of you hurting like that.” 

Shuffling in place, Benrey caught sight of a figure standing in the doorway from where Tommy had left. Black mist hissed past his clenched teeth as he met Breen’s stare. Tommy looked to him, mumbling something about black like night meaning fight, before turning to see who Benrey was looking at. 

Before any of them were able to make any movement to confront the person in question, he was turning, murmuring something inaudible to another scientist hesitating behind him and proceeding back down the hall. 

The rest of the day felt like a hazy blur to him. Tommy got the approval to have both Benrey and Forzen over at his place, which felt like it should have been some big event, but really, it was just Tommy and Forzen messing around with Beyblades while Benrey watched from his position curled up on Tommys bed. 

Wrapping himself further in the plush comforter, Benrey grabbed Tommys DS off his headboard from where he was charging it. Idly opening it up, he switched the game around to Yoshi's Island and started up a new world, his gaze flickering to Forzen and Tommy from time to time. Eventually they set aside the cheap Beyblade arena and started fidgeting with the little TV in the corner of the room. Putting some movie on, Benrey was tempted to move from Tommy’s bed, but as he lifted one arm out to test the air he immediately recoiled, pulling back into the warmth of the blanket. 

Slowly though, he lost interest in the game as time stretched on. As the movie was nearing its end, Benrey closed the DS and quickly plugged it back in, retreating to the safety of the comforter. Tommys sleepy gaze drifted from Forzen, asleep on his shoulder to him as he pulled the blanket back up over his head. Benrey blinked at him leisurely scratching at the underside of his chin while Tommy looked back to the TV, “I’m sorry.” 

His voice was almost too soft to hear; the drowsy fog and comforter over his head not helping the situation much, “Huh?” 

Tommys mouth flattened slightly, “I promised I wouldn’t let them hurt you guys anymore. And I know you both heal up just fine from it, but I really don’t like seeing you guys hurting. I just... I wish I could take you guys away from it.” 

"Nothing you can do about it right now,” he mumbled over a yawn, letting his eyelids drift shut, “But you- you’re a good... You’re a good nice. I’ll uh, m’ not gonna hurt nobody. Don’t gotta worry about me.” 

Tommy didn’t respond, and Benrey knew he was still feeling bad about the whole situation, but it wasn’t like he could have done anything. Gman seemed to have some power over Breen, and Tommy, in his own roundabout way, was probably thinking it was his fault because he hadn’t tried convincing his Dad hard enough. Cracking one eye open, he sang out a soothing shade of dark blue at Tommy, trying to convey that he didn’t blame him one bit. Tommy gave him a small smile in return, leaning back on the side of his bed so the back of his head was only a short distance away. If he was feeling more awake he might have blown on the back of his head making Tommy's hair puff out just to make him laugh, but for now he was content just to rest there together in a soft lull. 

And in that quiet moment where he was still on the cusp of sleep, Benrey knew he’d never hurt Tommy; no matter what. He’d make sure his friend was safe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> forzen iz here baybe! ! !  
> i have not slept well these past few nights so I've dedicated a bunch o time to writing n re-writing this chapter so!!!!! i dunno how it actually looks lol but m pretty happy w it rn. i also think its a little longer than tha other chapters but, who even knoes at dis point.
> 
> Also, uh. Scorpys clarification on the let tommy go bit *i close my eyes* it is NOT real.
> 
> (blood red mean i want u dead, n jus tha blue iz calm down)


	5. comfort moments

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hellow! it haz been a week ov me Just writing THIS chapter so >:/  
> im really not happy w it, but s not gon get better jus by me staring at it so! there iz only so long u can agonize over a chapter so! here it iz!

When Benrey woke again it was to the sound of distant voices. Blearily blinking his eyes open, he was confronted by the soft blankets of Tommy’s bed and another presence at his back. Rolling upright, he shucked the blanket from his body, casting Forzen a quick glance as he grumbled in irritation, pulling his discarded blanket up over his head. 

Even on his latest nights spent at Tommy’s, Gman had always intervened to take him back to his ‘cubicle’. So the fact he was still here presented the question of why. Gman obviously cared about Tommy, but he still had a duty to the company which was overseeing or dealing with whatever _specimens_ they had, which had always presided over his feelings for his son. 

Sliding off the bed, Benrey crept his way to the door of Tommy’s bedroom, peering out the crack in the opening, listening harder at the ongoing conversation. 

“-they aren’t just things you can put in a _box_!” That was Tommy. 

“I understand your… Concerns. For the two, but if you would listen-” 

“I know it’ll be fine in the _end_ , but it’s not now and that’s the point! I don’t- future things aren’t- I can’t see those things you do and I- I trust you that they’ll be alright, but they aren’t- they’re not okay _now_.” 

“If you trust the plan… Then why be concerned about. Their wellbeing?” 

“Mr. Breen wasn’t-! You know what he did and is _keeping_ on doing, it’s- it’s worse than a whole- a whole infestation of bugs! The future isn’t just a… Just one road, there’s multiple ways to get to the same ending and- and I want to make it as kind as possible for them.” 

There was a hard silence for a few moments before Gman finally let out a soft sigh, “There… Is not much I can do. To help, at least in that regard, but I will… See what options are available.” 

Tommy made a soft noise of agreement, and he heard the tell-tale zipper sound of warping, signifying Gman having vanished to someplace else. 

Before Benrey was able to decide whether he wanted to crawl back into the bed or approach Tommy over whatever had just gone on, he heard his friend shuffle around a distance away, “You can come on out Benrey.” 

Padding quietly from the room, he met Tommy out in the kitchen, hovering uncertainly by the entrance. 

“So… Gman helpin’ out now?” he asked, watching Tommy as he bit his bottom lip while pouring a few bowls of cereal. 

“I think so… I’m… I’ve been asking, once you guys met, if you both could uhm, be in a room together,” Benrey wrinkled his nose at the idea, but Tommy pushed on to explain further, his voice wavering a bit, “I know your uh room isn’t… It’s not comfortable, and that being there just by yourself makes you… lonely. So I just figured that it’d be better if you guys shared a room! You both are actually really similar so; it’d give you a uh… Bonding… Experience.” 

“Sounds kinda lame.” 

Tommy frowned, passing him a bowl of cereal and a spoon which he avidly dug into, “I’m going to be going to school again soon and I don’t want either of you alone anymore. You both are my friends, so I want- I want you guys to be okay, like a… a little door-mouse in a burrow.” 

“M’ not a mouse,” he said after a beat, “But I uh… It’d be fine if we were roomies or whatever, seems fine,” He relented. 

Tommy’s smile returned at that, “I’m glad.” 

Forzen woke not too long after and trudged out into the kitchen, taking the bowl of cereal Tommy had made for him and settled down onto the cold tile floor to eat it. Benrey waited nonchalantly till Tommy was out of the room to make his move. With his chin resting down on the counter, he hummed out a few bubbles of blue sweet voice in Forzen’s direction. Forzen glanced up at him for a minute, pausing to watch the colorful orbs burst into mist and fade before spitting out some blue in return. 

“Yo, you can do it too?” 

Forzen nodded slurping loudly off his cereal in an attempt to deter him from persuing the conversation any further; the joke was on him though because it only made Benrey pick up his bowl and try to slurp louder than him. Which slowly devolved into a contest of who could be the loudest, until Tommy popped out of his bathroom with a toothbrush in his mouth and told them they had to quiet down. 

Gman didn’t get back till later that evening which left a decent amount of time for Benrey to actually get to know Forzen outside of the whatever ring they’d put them in before. And all in all, he was pretty decent. He wasn’t as cool as Tommy, but he was alright. It was frustrating how alike they were, but it also brought about a new level of connection that he hadn’t anticipated. Forzen liked games more up Benrey’s own alley, but he was still pretty shit at them, so it was fun to see him get frustrated over loosing. Benrey didn’t push him too hard though because apparently, they were going to be sharing a living space and he didn’t need more anybody mad at him than he could help. 

When Benrey and Forzen were finally escorted from the room, they were brought to one of their own, two small cots were set on the floor along with a few plush looking blankets and there was a _light_ in the ceiling. And even for how barren it was, it was so much more than he’d had before, and was absolutely giddy over it. Gman gave them a curt goodbye before closing them both into the room, and as soon as the door was locked, Benrey launched himself toward the bed closest to himself. 

Shuffling under the blankets he couldn’t help the laugh that bursted free from himself at the action. The bed was nowhere near as comfortable as Tommy’s had been; Benrey doubted that there was anything more comfortable than that, but it was so much of an upgrade from the pile of scratchy blankets he’d been sleeping on for the past year, he couldn’t bring himself to complain. Peeking out from beneath the edge of the covering, Benrey watched Forzen with a little grin as he slowly approached the other bed, almost lingering around it with a sort of reverence. 

“These... Are for us?” he asked, his voice lacking its put-on gruffness. 

“Nobody else here,” Benrey responded, shrugging the blanket up and around his head so it was wrapped up over his eyes, “Dunno’ who else it’d be for.” 

For a moment, Forzen looked painfully his age, eleven years old and standing uncertainly at the edge of the bed like it was going to reach up and bite him. Not that it’d surprise either one of them if it did, Black Mesa wasn’t kind and it would be very on brand for them to have made some living, predatory bed creature. Though with how Benrey was very obviously un-eaten by the bed, Forzen finally seemed to relent, crawling down into the bed and climbed beneath the blankets. 

He didn’t seem nearly as enthused as Benrey about the shift in rooms, but he heard the telltale content sweet voice sound from him, so he knew at least some part of it was alright. He was comfortable with the silence for a while; at least he _was_ till the lights went out plunging them both into darkness. Immediately tensing in fear his hearing strained in the darkness latching onto the sounds of uncomfortable shuffling from across the room. 

“Hate this,” Forzen murmured quietly, “Stupid dark n’ it being too quiet. Sucks really bad.” 

Nodding in agreement even though he knew Forzen couldn’t see it, Benrey stuck his head back out from under the blankets, “Just uh, gotta’ make it not dark. Sing a little,” he buzzed out a long note that started with a tear blue that made him wince, but slowly progressed into a steady stream of white. After a second, Forzen joined in red and jade tinging his first few notes before he was able to lock onto the white as well. The single note droned out for another solid minute before Benrey stopped to survey the mass of white that’d accumulated at their ceiling. The various bubbles of sweet voice floated there for a good while before finally dissipating and putting the room back into a solid darkness. Though it was a lighter sort of dark this time, knowing there was another person there. 

Exhaling softly, Benrey snuggled back into the bed, and closed his eyes. Sleep took a while to come, but in the time it took to get there, he felt a gentle sort of comfort from the company on the other side of the room. 

The following weeks were a mix of good and bad for multitudes of reasons. Tommy, like he’d said before, had to go back to school and didn’t ever really come back till later at night. Which was a bummer, but he also had Forzen now so it wasn’t nearly as bad as he knew it would have been had he been on his own still. It was good though, because when Tommy _did_ come back, they were all able to go over to his house and hang out. He mentioned learning something about dogs while he was in school and how he wanted one of his own. 

At first Benrey had mostly disregarded it, because dogs were the little barking guys in video games, nothing to really pay attention to; unless there was a side-quest for petting them or something. But a sudden jolt from Tommy out the corner of his eye jerked him from the game he was playing with Forzen. 

Cradled in Tommy’s arms was a large squirming bundle of golden yellow fur. He only realized what it was when the puppy let out a sharp little bark, punctuated by a burst of orange sweet voice. 

“Orange like a… A match ignited means she’s excited!” Tommy exclaimed with a laugh just before the dog began furiously licking at his face. 

Benrey skittered toward Tommy, hesitating just at his friends’ side while the puppy wriggled over his chest. Finally, Tommy righted himself, still giggling and holding the out puppy out away from him with a wide smile, “I was thinking about what the perfect dog would be, and- and she appeared!” 

Forzen trotted over to Tommy’s side to get a better look at the dog as well. The puppy, wagging her tail wildly barked out a happy green to blue, “She can do the uh… The Black Mesa sweet voice?” 

Tommy nodded, setting the puppy onto the ground, where she promptly began to run around the room with a few joyful yaps, “Yeah! I uhm, I figured it’d help me understand your guy’s sweet voice too so I uh, I guessed that it’d help! She’s- she’s the perfect dog!” 

You gotta name for her?” Benrey asked, watching the puppy curiously as she trotted back over to tug at the cuff of Tommy’s pants. 

“Well I uhm, I think I’ll call her Sunkist! Like the soda.” 

Sunkist barked appreciatively letting go of Tommy’s jeans for a moment so she could scratch at her ear. Carefully, Benrey reached out to run his fingers over the puppy’s long-ish fur. 

“She’s soft,” he mumbled, his lips curling upward into a small smile as Sunkist turned around to lick his hand a few times before hopping over to Forzen. She spent the rest of the day hopping from person to person trying to cover them in licks till she eventually passed out in Tommy’s lap, her soft puppy snores bringing another grin onto Benrey’s features. 

As they were about to leave for the day, Tommy brought up the idea of letting him and Forzen having their own gaming system in their room. Gman phrased it as _enrichment_ , which just made his hackles rise, but with a promise to see what he could do, he managed to wheedle Breen enough into setting up a Wii and a PS2. Benrey and Forzen both ended up squandering a lot of their free-time, which they ended having a lot of, playing whatever multiplayer games they could get their hands on. 

It was a few months later when they were in the middle of a Mario Kart match when Benrey went flying into the water on the level, booting him back a significant number of places in the race. Distantly he could hear the start of a cackle coming from Forzen, but his pressing on the home button of the remote stopped Forzen’s laugh prematurely. 

“Dude, you can't just _rage-quit_ -” 

“No s’ not that,” setting the remote down on the floor he paused for a moment trying to parse out his words, “Just got a thought kinda, because like. Driving. But uh, we could get outta’ here.” 

Forzen squinted at him the wide scar on his face wrinkling slightly as he moved his remote onto the ground next to Benrey’s. 

“Because uh, most of the scientists drive to get here, heard em’ say so before. And driving on the Wii isn’t too different, so as long as we could find a car we could get out.” 

“And go where?” Forzen asked finally, his overly-tense features not exactly hiding the glint of hope in his eyes. 

“Doesn't matter really better than just chilling around here. Don’t… M’ tired of all the poking n things. Least outside there probably won’t be any more of it.” 

Forzen made a non-committal noise in response, but Benrey could see him thinking it over., “What about Tommy?” he asked finally, pulling his knees up to his chest to squint at the paused screen. 

Benrey shrugged, hunching his shoulders up further, “Dunno’. He’s got… Sunkist I guess. And his Dad. We just make him worry anyway, if we’re outta’ his hair it’ll probably be better for him.” 

Forzen didn’t seem exactly thrilled by the idea if the sad sigh of pale pink sweet voice was anything to judge by, but he nodded anyway, “Fine. Do we… go now?” 

“Can you _drive_ now?” 

Forzen let out a sharp exhale through his nose, lips curling back a little to reveal quickly sharpening teeth “Of course I can, I was just winning bro.” 

Benrey grinned. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tommy gets more dialogue. as a treat >:)  
> and urrgghjhj this still feels rlly choppy to me but is whatever at this point.  
> anyway! next chapter iz the one i started writing this fic for!!
> 
> (sweet voice translation blue is just the natural color it comes out as, blue like a tear i feel fear, bright white lets make some light, red to jade hurt and afraid, pale pink i don't know what to think. I think thats all of it lol)


	6. free and in da wild!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for attempted vivisection and a car-crash this chapter!  
> i think m as happy as im gonna be w this one but im a lot more confident feeling in this chapter than the last one. i Did write a lotta the first few paragraphs in a panic so sorry if they're a lil wonky lol.

Standing from where he’d been couched on the floor in front of the small TV screen, Benrey turned to the door. They’d have to figure things out quick once he busted through the, but that wasn’t a problem at the moment. First, he had to take care of the door. They’d learned from the first time around not to leave any open edges for him to slip through, so brute force would be needed. Not that it would be much of a problem. 

Reshaping his structure into something larger and stronger, he squinted through a few multitudes of eyes at the metal structure. Digging long claws into its frame, he yanked back on the stiff metal. After a few tugs it still didn’t budge, so he shifted his tactic, putting his claws away and focusing on making himself more quadrupedal. Shifting in place, he flexed the plated armor that now covered most of his body. It was a different sort of transformation than he was used to, but it'd work for this. 

From the edge of his vision he saw Forzen moving toward the edge of the room, furthest away from himself. He could smell the apprehension radiating off of him, but it didn’t seem to be aimed at him, rather, his focus was on the door. Fixing his attention back on the main issue, Benrey raised himself back onto his hindquarters and propelled himself at the door. It dented upon impact but didn’t yet cave, so he threw himself at the unforgiving surface a few more times before it finally gave out. It flew off its thick metal hinges and slammed against the opposite wall. 

Near immediately, an alarm rang out through the hallway, white warning lights flashing periodically making his head feel fuzzy. Hearing Forzen already scampering out behind him, he tromped down the hallway, front feet separating and extending into long, grasping claws that clicked against the cold floor. 

Turning around the corner, he was confronted by a group of four guards, each with their guns held aloft. They didn’t waste long before firing at Benrey, but he couldn’t hide the wide sneer that rippled over his increasingly inhuman features even as the bullets pinged against him. The people were quickly moved aside with the aid of his new features, but he still didn’t really know where to go. Inhaling deeply, he searched the halls for a more mechanical smell, because cars were just machines, right? Few extra add-ons, but they were still just hunks of metal. As an acrid tang finally hit his senses, he stepped forward with a bit more confidence now. 

They got lost in the labyrinthine halls more than once, it really had no other affects aside from wasting a little time and killing a few more guards, but Forzen was quickly able to get them back on track. Trying to shove himself into the elevator turned out to be more of a hassle than it was worth so the second time around that they had to use one, he let Forzen scrabble up onto his back and clawed his way up to the highest floor. 

Jumping to the ground, Forzen guided them to where the sharp smell had been originating from. He let out a pleasant huff of sweet voice at the sight of all the cars and the lack of flashing lights, shrinking back down to his regular size so he could actually fit in one “Yo, pick your cart.” 

Forzen frowned, trotting forward to expect the one closest, he yanked on the handle experimentally and huffed when it didn’t budge, “Gonna’ have to break it.” 

Forzen’s shoulders twitched and extended painfully as he wrapped his now clawed hand around the door handle once more. The driver’s side door came off with a loud clang that made Benrey wince. But Forzen was already climbing inside so he had to follow. Scrambling up over Forzen, who made an undignified sound at the motion, Benrey placed himself in the passenger seat, “Let’s go.” 

Forzen glared down at the key-slot on the side of the steering wheel, “Can't without the fuckin'-” 

Benrey slipped his finger into the key part of the wheel, his flesh molding accordingly to the insides of it. It was kinda weird having to lean partially across the middle of the car to put his hand in there, but at least it was getting them out faster. He twisted his finger awkwardly and the car started with a growly rumble. 

“Let's _go_ ,” he repeated impatiently, “Thought you said you could drive.” 

Shooting him a quick glare, Forzen, a little too carefully, backed them out of the space and crept out from the parking lot. It was a slow going but he could see the gates ahead of them now, so there was no real need to wait any longer. Benrey just stretched out his senses a little, just aiming for them to speed up a little because the gates were just _right_ there; it wouldn’t hurt for Forzen to go a little faster. Nudging something on the inside of the car, he knew it was what he’d been aiming for because, whoa, they were definitely speeding up now! But as he glanced up and caught sight of the approaching wall, he thought a brief snippet of _oh no_ , before they crashed headfirst into it. 

He caught a split-second of hurt before blacking out again, he knew he wasn’t dead, but something was wrong too. He couldn’t force himself back awake yet, so something had to be healed and hadn't done so on its own yet. It was frustrating because they had been _right_ there, and he’d just went out of his way to speed things up. When he woke again, he was probably going to have to fight a bunch of guards too and it was going to be such a _pain_. 

Luckily, he didn’t have to wait long till he awoke again. He attempted to lean back upright but found himself unable, suddenly very awake, Benrey blinked his eyes open to the bright fluorescent overhead lights. Acid burned at the back of his throat at the sensation of metal around his wrists and ankles. Glaring around, he made out the form of Dr. Breen at the other side of the room, his back turned to him for the time being. 

Hissing out a flurry of the aptly named 'I want you dead red' caught his attention though. Breen looked over his shoulder at him, amusement evident in his flat stare, “You’re awake hm?” 

Turning to face him fully, Benrey’s eyes locked onto the knife in his grasp, pupils narrowing to slits he thrashed at the restraints, only earning a painful shock of electricity in response. 

“You know, you had been behaving so well these past few months. It’s a shame that you had to go and ruin all of that. We’ll be having to separate you and specimen F0RZN again since you have seemed to be nothing but bad influences on each other.” 

Fear trickled through him at that. Then he’d just be _alone_ again. 

He didn’t _want_ to be alone. For as badly as he and Forzen could get along at times, they still had each-others backs. 

“Less of a shame for me though,” Breen continued, adjusting his medical gloves nonchalantly, “It’s been a while since I last did an inspection on you so this will be informative. Seeing growth and such.” 

Distantly Benrey remembered something Forzen had said about blood being red, making them want to hurt him less if he did. Squeezing his eyes closed so he didn’t have to see Breen drawing closer, he thought as many red thoughts as he could, not really sure how to change the color of his blood. As the knife pressed down onto his collarbone, he gritted his teeth, glaring down at the beads of red welling up from the wound. 

Breen only clicked his tongue at the sight, “Nothing but a bad influence,” he repeated, drawing the blade down further. 

Dropping his head back against the metal table Benrey closed his eyes once more. Biting his tongue and trying not to cry out as the blade effortlessly cut though his skin. It was supposed to heal, _it was supposed to heal_. But it wasn’t. It hadn’t last time either. He wanted out, out, _out_. He wanted away from all these sharp things and cold walls. He wanted _away_ from the people who could hurt him, _away_ from the whole _fucking_ building _he_ \- 

Benrey no longer felt the knife imbedded in his skin. 

He heard a shout of fear that almost sounded like Breen, the growl of angry sweet voice and the rattling of something unfamiliar. The racket continued for a few seconds and Benrey flinched at the sound of a cart and a bunch of metal utensils falling to the floor and then, there was silence. His chest still ached where it’d been cut but hearing another bout of sweet voice he could feel a coldness seeping into the wound. 

Hesitantly, he cracked his eyes open, expecting the harsh white lights and instead being confronted with open _blue_ , sky. He could see trees at the edge of his vision from where he was lying on the ground, puffy clouds drifted lazily through the pale colored sky. 

Slowly, Benrey lifted himself into a sitting position, wincing as his chest twinged painfully, but glancing down, the injury seemed mostly healed. Residual teal and green clung around the open cut and he watched, enraptured as the sweet voice melded his skin back together. It was still sore to the touch but at least it wasn’t bleeding anymore. 

Finally, he glanced around at his open surroundings. Needly trees packed the sloped ground, their prickly branches casting large swaths of shade over the ground which Benrey quickly scampered under the safety of. It was a little easier to see under the shadows of the trees, but still everything was painfully bright to his eyes. 

Rubbing furiously at his face he glared back out at the terrain before him again. It wasn’t anything he’d seen in person before, but he recognized the _idea_ of the stuff around him. Mostly, he’d just seen it in videogames, but even then, not even those compared to the actual thing. He could hear the branches rustling overhead, pine needles brushing against each other in the slight breeze. He could practically taste the heavy scent of tree sap on the air along with the fuzzy smell of animals nearby. He could see actual _bugs_ crawling over the ground and zipping through the air. He didn’t know what’d really happened back in the operation room with Breen, but something’d come in, scared Breen away, healed him and set him loose to… Wherever this was. 

Drawing in a shaky breath, he drew himself upright with the help of the tree he’d pressed himself up against. The rough bark scraped roughly against his knuckles as he balled his hand into a fist. He was _out_. A rough laugh bubbled past his lips, eventually building to more of a cackle that made him double over with the pangs it brought to his chest because apparently the wound _hadn’t_ fully healed all the way. 

Hearing the cracking of distant branches breaking underfoot, Benrey quickly jumped back to attention, his vision swimming with the all-too-quickly executed motion. Scenting the air, he felt his hackles rise at the all too familiar smell of human. How had he not _noticed_ it before, the whole area was peppered with their scent. 

They couldn’t have found him already, could they? He’d only been gone for a few minutes and this didn’t feel like Black Mesa at all. The people who’d come in from outside never smelled like this place. He was probably far away from the facility; they couldn’t find him here. Not yet at least, his mind unhelpfully supplied. 

He was reminded of the situation at hand though from the sound of someone scrabbling over the nearby rocks. Glancing around hurriedly for a hiding spot, he ultimately decided the tree behind him would be easiest and scrambled up into the relative safety of its thick branches. The needles prodded uncomfortably at his skin, but he could forgo comfort for his safety. 

Finally, the person cleared the nearby rocks, dusting their jeans off for a moment and glancing around brightly. Benrey felt his prickling feeling of anxiety subside as they trotted further into the clearing, brushing their long curly hair out of their eyes with a practiced movement and pulling it into a ponytail. He still had a bit of lingering fear about them, but they had the same younger look to them that Forzen and Tommy did. Sporting softer features and ganglier limbs that made them all the less unthreatening. Not that people were all that threatening to begin with, but they looked especially cordial. They padded around the clearing, mumbling something to themselves as they went, pausing to pick up a large stick and swing it through the air a few times before continuing. 

Suddenly they paused, their gaze locking onto something on the ground, he only realized what it was as they were walking toward it, walking toward him. That was _his_ blood, bright red droplets against the pale brown pine needles scattered over the ground, and a dead giveaway to his position. Internally he cursed himself for not trying to find a different place to hide. His breath caught in his throat as their gaze slowly arced up to his place up between the branches. 

Their lively brown gaze locked with his own and he felt his heart stop for a moment because he didn’t _want_ to hurt this one, even though he could feel his claws already sharpening in apprehension. They weren’t scared, nothing about their demeanor suggested foul play, but they were still human and therefore dangerous. 

“How’d you get up there?” They asked, swiping away a stray strand of hair out of their face, “All the branches are really close together.” 

He opened his mouth to try and respond but instead a high whine accompanied by a few white bubbles of sweet voice escaped instead. Benrey clapped his hand over his mouth, squeezing his eyes shut and hoping that they’d just go away. 

“Can you get down?” They asked again, one hand already on a branch to pull themselves up. 

Benrey hastily nodded his head. It was fine, they were just a kid like him. He’d easily taken out adult people before; if they were really a threat, he could take care of it. He still hoped he didn’t have to. 

“You’ve gotta let go if you want to get down.” 

Glaring down at them he scoffed, “I know that. M’ not dumb,” untangling his arms from around the branch he scrambled down the tree, wincing slightly as the bark caught against his skin. 

The kid stepped back to give him some space as he landed, watching him carefully through slightly narrowed eyes, “Why were you up in that tree?” 

Benrey turned to fully face them but before he was able to let out a response the kid gasped loudly, staring at him with wide, concerned eyes, “You’ve got- you’re hurt!” 

“Huh?” he glanced down to his chest, “Oh, uh, not really, it’ll be okay in a bit.” 

The kid stared at him reproachfully, “That’s not how wounds work. It doesn’t look too good.” 

Huffing, Benrey crossed his arms over his chest, “Yeah well it’s uh, it’s fine, all good here. Hundred percent health.” 

They just shook their head, “Whatever… What- what’re you doing out here? I didn’t see you at the campsite.” 

“Uh, that’s- it’s private information bro,” he bumbled, averting his gaze to the other side of the clearing, “Can’t- not at the right friendship level to tell you that. Didn’t even ask my name either, kinda' rude of you...” 

Their eyebrows drew together at his rambling but after a moment, they held their hand out for him to shake, “I’m Gr-… My names Gordon.” 

He let his gaze wander back to the kid, to Gordon. There was a leaf sticking out of his hair that he apparently hadn’t noticed while putting it into a ponytail and his grin was a little lopsided, but it sent a weird feeling fluttering though his chest. He put his hand in Gordon’s, shaking once before retracting it. 

“Benrey.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay. okay! gordon iz finally here! anewyways! i think im kinda loosing motivation to write this a lil? like! no worries, m still gonna finish it, but m gonna move to weekly(ish) updates for this fic. maybe expect two or three chapters outta me for this fic? Idk thas all I rlly have planned.
> 
> (Sweet voice: white means fright)


	7. we could meet here again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you know when i said this would update like, once a week? i am ... so sorry.... caught wave of sadness for a bit so i was rendered unable to write dis but! waz struck w inspiration today so I got this chapter finished up so!! sorry again but lol, least its better than posting it when I was literally gon die if i had to write a paragraph.  
> alsoz. if da first half of dis don't meld rlly well with the last bit. its cuz i wrote them at different times and didnt re-read what i already had written. dummie move but >:) goin w it lol  
> also also. don't ask me when da next (final?) chapter iz gon be posted. i. do not know.

For a human, Benrey decided that Gordon was pretty alright. He didn’t have any sick-nasty powers like Tommy did, and he didn’t have a lot of games to connect over like he did with Forzen, but Gordon was alright. He liked running around, climbing trees and playing tag, even if he was pretty slow, and climbing trees. Admittedly, he was a little better at it than Benrey was, but he was going to blame it on the fact that Gordon probably climbed trees every day like the monkey-man he was and Benrey had only ever climbed the one. He didn’t really know if scaling the empty elevator shaft in his altered form counted as tree climbing, but since Gordon had yelled at him for growing claws to help him climb better, he’d probably count it as cheating. 

That was another thing Benrey noticed about Gordon, he was just plain _noisy_. It was so opposite from everyone else he’d been around it had his head spinning most of the time. Gordon had continually been quick to notice his moments of getting overwhelmed though and had been pretty courteous of it. But the other kid was always jumping and yelling and laughing over just about everything; and it was still different, but it was a _good_ sort of different. 

He didn’t mind that Gordon was noisy, but he was always fixated on having control of any given situation, and to Gordon’s continued dismay, Benrey loved to test it. It wasn’t hard to get on the other boy’s nerves, which was why he had initially taken so much interest in investigating why. He’d pretty quickly come to the conclusion though that it was better to just let Gordon take the reins though. Because even if he could throw him a curveball to any situation by just refusing to do things, it was infinitely more rewarding to see the grin on the other boy’s face instead of frustration. Seeing him get mad though was still pretty funny so Benrey made sure not to listen to him all the time. 

But Benrey was always willing to listen to whatever Gordon had to say. Usually it was about stuff he really only had the vaguest notion of, but Gordon was happy to explain whenever he had questions. Benrey didn’t want to seem _dumb_ , so he only asked about things when they felt important. Now definitely felt like one of those times. 

Nudging Gordons shoulder to grab the other boy’s attention, Gordon glanced over to him, his brown eyes glimmering comfortably in the overhead early-evening light. Benrey still hadn’t fully adjusted to the blinding brightness of the sun, but Gordon had explained earlier that you weren’t _supposed_ to look directly _at_ it either, which seemed like shitty design, couldn't even look at the one cool star you could see during the day, but it had helped his hurting eyes some. His eyes still hurt from time to time though, so he had to duck back under the cover of the pine trees to help them adjust again. It was easier now in the warm orange light, with the sun just beginning to creep down below the far ridge turning the skyline a pretty tangerine. 

“You were uh, talking about dream somethings? What are uh, what are those?” 

Gordon rolled over onto his elbows to face him, raising one eyebrow at him, “The things you think in your sleep? Like uhm… You do sleep right?” 

Gordon picked up on his inhuman-ness pretty quickly; he’d said it had been easy to tell with his glowing ‘cat’ eyes and how he didn’t know much about anything ‘people’ did. Which, fair, but it was rude and Benrey had climbed up a tree after Gordon had said that. He’d coaxed Benrey back out soon enough afterward with the promise of some sweets that he’d discovered Benrey really liked. But Benrey still thought he was human enough looking, they weren’t _too_ obviously different he didn't think. 

The contrast between them been more prominent when he’d first arrived, he’d still been scared and had kept his claws for a while, but he’d gotten over that pretty quickly. He’d adapted more human like features the more he hung out with Gordon, usually he shifted them back to natural after practicing for a while. But he made sure to try and keep it up for as long as he could just in case Dr. Breen or somebody else came back. Because maybe it took more than the blood to stop him, if he looked more like them, maybe they’d stop. 

Gordon gently tapped his forearm, jerking him back to the present. 

Benrey shrugged, “Sometimes. Don’t… Don’t think though. I just pass out. Go sleepy-times.” 

Gordon scratched thoughtfully at his chin, “Huh, I wonder why?” 

Benrey just shrugged again and closed his eyes, thinking the conversation was over. But of course, it wasn’t, because Gordon was never done talking till he’d thoroughly exhausted all conversation options. And still! Benrey didn’t mind it, he liked hearing Gordon talk, it was easy to lose himself in the other boys’ words, but it was hard not to notice that he liked the sound of his own voice. 

“Dreams are… We talked about it in class once, they’re like, movies that happen in your head while you’re asleep. They don’t- you don’t usually control them I don’t think? At least I don’t. My Mom did teach me how to wake up from them when I have bad ones but uh, they’re like little stories that your brain shows you while you sleep.” 

Benrey frowned up at Gordon, covering his eyes with one arm so he didn’t have to squint so hard, “Why would you choose to watch the bad ones though? Don’t- no scary movies, they’re a big bad bro.” 

“You don’t get to _choose_ the dream you get,” Gordon corrected him, idly pulling at the grass beneath him, “It’s like… You’re given a ticket to a movie in a theatre and you just have to go find out what it is without knowing what the movies going to be like.” 

Benrey didn’t know what a movie theatre was either, but right now the dream topic they were on was more important than that. 

“I don’t usually dream, but I did last night! It was about playing in this field by my house, but a wolf was there, and it had floppy ears and a glove in its mouth.” 

He'd heard wolves in the hills a few nights ago. Maybe he could bring one to show Gordon? They looked soft like Sunkist but he'd also seen the damage they'd wrought to an elk they'd brought down too. So maybe he could just take Gordon to see Sunkist. She was the perfect dog after all, she'd be nice. He… He would have to go back to Black Mesa though, to find Sunkist. That was a predicament, because he didn’t want to go back. Just the idea of the facility sent an uncomfortable churning sensation though his stomach that made him want to run away again. The sight of Gordon though reminded him that he was _safe_ here though. But that also meant he would be leaving his friends in Black Mesa by themselves. 

Dr. Breen had said, before the whole commotion started, that he would separating Benrey and Forzen again, so that meant Forzen was going to be on his own too. Maybe they’d still let Tommy see him so Forzen wouldn’t be alone again; Benrey knew he got restless on his own without something to do. And Tommy would just be stuck with his Dad. And it’d taken him a while to figure it out, but they didn’t exactly get along well either. Both his friends would be there alone. But he would still be out. 

Maybe Tommy would leave Black Mesa with Forzen one day and they could all meet up and Benrey could introduce them to Gordon, and he could show Gordon Sunkist then. 

Benrey frowned, shaking his head to clear his thoughts. 

“So, it’s like… A cut-scene for your brain?” 

Gordon’s nose scrunched up in amusement, and he leaned his head back slightly, letting the light hit his face, showing of the spattering of barely-there freckles over his features “I guess you could call it that. You usually don’t remember what you dream about thought, I’m- cut-scenes are supposed to be _memorable_.” 

Benrey huffed, dropping his arm back down over his eyes, “Nah bro, they’re all… Boring and things. You ever remember the parts of the game where you got no choice in what you’re doing? Nah, Lame.” 

Gordon nudged his arm back and Benrey could practically feel the playfully irritated look growing on his face, “No! It’s cool to see how all the things in games move! Like… Some games look better than other ones and its- it’s nice to see when a game looks good, so I remember it and it becomes one of my favorites if it looks good.” 

“Yeah well, one of your favorite games is Donkey Kong 64 for the DS so I don’t think your opinion really counts-” 

Gordon shoved his arm a little harder making Benrey cackle, curling in on himself a little, “Don’t make fun of Donkey Kong 64! It’s better than that dumb Monkey Ball game you like.” 

“They’re just games about monkeys dude, calm down. Both just wanna’ collect the bananas.” 

Settling back down onto his belly, Gordon gazed at him with a thoughtful, half-lidded stare, “Yeah… I guess so,” he sighed, drumming his fingers on the ground giving Benrey the sudden urge to grab ahold of his hand to make him quit it. He didn’t though, instead, closing his eyes again and listening to the evening breeze rustling the pine needles overhead. He punctuated the silence with a soft hum of his sweet voice, his lips curling slightly as he heard Gordon shift in place so he could better see the colors. He didn’t know what colors were coming from his lips at the moment, but they had a calm feel to them, so he was able to assume a gentile white and peach. He… Benrey hadn’t sung white and peach for a _long_ time. 

The though made his singing stutter for a moment, his next few notes coming out as more of high-pitched squeaks that made him wince. He was able to pick the soft tune back up, but opening his eyes again, he saw the pale colors intermixed with a few bubbles of uncertain yellow. Gordon didn’t seem to know what the sweet voice was, but he was enraptured by it anyway; his eyes going wide with awe every time Benrey used it. The other boy’s expression emboldened him a bit, so he let his voice carry out a bit more. Eventually, the lighter colors shifted to a more regular blueish green shade and Benrey let his jaws close, blowing out a bit of residual smoke from the leftover sweet voice. 

“How do you do that?” Gordon asked quietly, seemingly not wanting to break the soft atmosphere that had been created. 

Benrey just shrugged, moving his arms under his head as a cushion against the old pine needles there, that were no doubt stuck throughout his hair by now, “Dunno, just uh, do it. You get all huffy n’ puffy when you feel things, and I uh… Do a little sing. Give you a little tune.” 

“I don’t do it on _purpose_ ,” Gordon muttered, “It just happens.” 

“Same thing,” Benrey said, “Don’t mean to spit sweet voice all over the place. Least- not most of the time,” that got Gordon to laugh so Benrey continued, “Sometimes just wanna spew blue because its funny, I uh…” 

Pressing his lips into a firm line, Benrey let out a string of consonants that was mostly the letter 'B', but it got Gordon to laugh harder, so he kept doing it. At least, he kept doing it till he heard the soft rustle of leaves being displaced over the ground at the edge of the clearing. 

Jerking upright, Benrey scanned the bushes, parting his mouth slightly to take in the scent of the rapidly cooling evening air. The first scent he picked out was Gordon, but it was quickly disregarded because he could see him right there already. This was something else. There was the smell of decaying plant life, a few rodent-y animals nesting in the overhead trees, hardy flowers that were still sticking it though despite the frost that would sometimes come at night- _there_ , in the space behind him off to the left a little. 

A thick, predatory animal scent. The creature was hungry; and he could practically feel the phantom aches of starvation working at the space under his ribs. He heard the almost imperceptible cracking of foliage under the animals claws as it worked them out and retracted them in almost a methodical manner. If he really focused in, he could hear its long tail impatiently twitching from side to side as it wiggled its haunches slightly, preparing to leap. 

Just as the creature blew into the clearing, Benrey leapt into action, his thoughts immediately rushing to the first problem of, _protect Gordon_. People were much too soft and not sturdy enough to withstand many blows; especially from a carnivore specialized for killing. 

He could consciously feel his energy splitting in two ways as part of him rushed the animal, and another part of him, summoned from thin air, curled around Gordon to keep him safe. Benrey’s form stretched out to compensate the mountain lion, already soaring through the air toward him with bared fangs, his skin stretching to be more malleable around the creatures longer limbs and piercing claws. The large animal wrapped around him despite his more flexible form, its nails digging into his shoulders as he hit the ground with a wheezy growl. 

As the cougar lunged forward, its teeth snapping at his neck, Benrey sharply pushed back on its broad yet hollow chest; feeling the bones beneath its too-loose pelt as he pressed back harder. If the thing _hadn’t_ decided to come after him, he might have taken pity on it and found a deer for the thing. But instead, he let his fingers shift into long, dark claws and tore at its breast as he scrambled back amidst its snarling. 

The lanky mountain lion flattened its ears back against its head as it curled its lips back in a twin expression to his. It’s narrowed, intense eyes flicked from him, to his other hunched figure behind his main self. It’s tail lashed furiously behind it as the creature assessed the situation, from its injuries; to its painfully visible hunger; to Gordon, probably what it’d been going after in the first place; and to him, still hunched over and ready to fight. Finally seeming to make a decision, the mountain lion let out a furious hiss and quickly turned tail and bounded away, still limping from the injury to its chest, but making a swift escape nonetheless. 

Benrey waited till the creature had completely fled from the area before turning back to Gordon, immediately stiffening at the sight of the pale figure cradling his friend in its arms. Benrey had seen skeletons in some of the movies he’d watched at Tommy’s but had never taken a real interest in them, playing them off as a low-tier sort of monster. Not nearly as scary as zombies. Though seeing the one in front of him now had him standing stock still, unable to move out of fear. Logically, he knew that the skeletal thing was a part of him, he’d summoned it to protect Gordon while he’d dealt with the threat. But seeing something so unnatural, staring back at him with empty sockets, was a different type of threat he wasn’t used to. 

Finally though, the skeleton opened its jaw with an audible clack that made him shiver, blue sweet voice spilled from its empty mouth in a calming tone that reminded himself of the more important thing here anyway. Gordon was still clutched in the skeleton’s thin arms. As soon as he realized him there, the skeleton placed him down and disappeared though the ground as if it was being pulled down by unseen force. 

Stumbling forward, Benrey rushed to Gordon’s side, finding him limp, lying on the ground. His breath caught in his throat as his hand fluttered over his friend’s chest, desperately feeling for a heartbeat that _had_ to be there. Because Gordon couldn’t die here, he wouldn’t _let_ Gordon die here- 

He felt the distant thump of blood pulsing though Gordon’s veins in the spot just above his collarbone, and now that he was looking- his lips were slightly parted with sleepy breaths. Benrey almost sobbed with relief, curling over Gordon’s sleeping form. He- he was okay. Gordon was alright, he was just asleep- just asleep. He didn’t know how he’d fallen asleep while Benrey’d been fighting the cougar but- as long as he was okay. As long as Gordon was alright, Benrey was okay with him having fallen asleep. He could call him silly tomorrow for having slept while Benrey had protected him, and Gordon could say something back in response in his happy, loud voice. And- and Gordon’s family would be looking for him soon. Gordon always had to leave before it got too dark, so he wasn’t out at night. And his family would come and find him, and he’d come back tomorrow, and they could play and talk again. Gordon was going to be fine. 

Scooping the other boy up in his arms, Benrey walked him out of the clearing, pausing by the edge of the campground where Gordon’s family was set up in their few tents and gingerly placed him against the tangled roots of a nearby tree. Scampering back out of sight, Benrey grabbed onto a thick branch and tossed it down in Gordon’s direction, grabbing his parent’s attention. Benrey watched through lidded eyes from his position hidden up on the hillside as Gordon’s parents rushed toward his prone form, scooping him back up and carrying him into one of the tents. He could smell their fear scent even from the distance between them and quietly he wondered if Gordon _had_ gotten hurt somehow- but no. Benrey’d saved him. It was fine. Gordon was fine. 

He waited stiffly on the hillside till eventually, straining his hearing, he heard Gordon awaken and the hushed, nervous voices of his family all around him. Benrey was too far out to tell what they were saying, but Gordon sounded confused, probably because he was just in the clearing a bit ago and now he was in some stupid paper tent or whatever but- his parents sounded more and more worried as Gordon continued to speak, his friends voice still to soft to make out his words. Eventually though, he re-exited the tent, followed closely by his parents and sibling. Gordon and his sister piled into the back of the car while the two parents took down the tents and other material in a hurried fashion. It didn’t take long for them to have piled up all of their things in the back of the truck, and as the bright headlights turned on, aimed in his direction, Benrey had to quickly run away, shielding his eyes from the piercing light. 

He retreated to his clearing and climbed back into the tree he’d decided to use as his bed for the past few days. The branches weren’t completely uncomfortable, but he had preferred the springy mattresses Black Mesa had provided him as a minimum instead of the prickly bark. Idly, Benrey’s mind wandered back to why Gordon had gotten into the car and they’d driven off, but he’d left for the night with his family sometimes, he’d come back. He always did. Benrey had woken up every morning and found Gordon waiting around his clearing to play. He would be there tomorrow morning like he always was. 

Letting out a languid yawn, he shifted one arm under his head as he settled into a more comfortable position with his legs straddling the branches, so he didn’t slip off. 

Gordon was fine, he was all good and was going to be back tomorrow and they could play again like they had before. He might even compliment Benrey for how well he’d done in fighting that mountain lion off. Benrey doubted it, but the thought was nice still. With a small smile slipping over his lips, Benrey drifted off into a dreamless sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guragghhh >:) evil me moments lol  
> i think theres only gon be one chapter after this one? and a good portion of it iz gon be written from future tense benrey lookin back on tha stuff but u will still get a bit o kid benrey perspective at da beginning of it. what it will be! u can guess! but i will not tell u! :)  
> n if y'all couldn't tell timeline in da story wise, (because i literally didnt write it down) benrey n gordon hav known each other for abt like... four or five days now. anyway! ill see y'all next chapter!! >:)
> 
> (sweet voice: white and peach is i feel peace, yellow like corn means i feel torn)


	8. and you'll come back for me one day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whooo last chapter! im typing this out instead of doing homework right now so >:) yea  
> anyway more animal death this chapter but y'all already expected it. also, getting beat up by said animal

Benrey woke to a steady drip of water droplets splashing down onto the back of his head. Blinking awake, he vigorously shook his hair out and patted at his damp hair with a frown. The water had loosened a few of the pine needles tangled in his dark hair so he quickly tugged them loose, tossing them down to the ground below. 

Carefully maneuvering himself down the tree, Benrey arched his spine back as his feet touched back onto the ground, shimmying in place at the audible crack. Straightening back out, Benrey trotted back to the edge of his clearing, glaring down at the campground space where Gordon’s tents were usually set up. Finding the space empty, Benrey carefully crept down the rocky slope so he could get a better view. Because maybe they’d come back while he was asleep and set up in a different spot. But as he slowly walked to the place where their tents had been set up just the day before, he found the whole space empty. 

An unwarranted song of navy-blue sweet voice spilt forth from his slightly parted lips, the hurt deepening as he was reminded of the enamored look on Gordons face whenever he’d seen his sweet voice. Snapping his jaws back closed, Benrey stalked back to the clearing, tucking himself up and away in the tree he’d been using as a resting place, so he didn’t have to face the sight of the campground. 

He didn’t _want_ to have to be alone again. At least in Black Mesa he’d been able to talk to Tommy every once in a while, now Gordon was _gone_ , and he was by himself. 

And so, for the first time in his life. Benrey cried. Horrible sobs wrenching their way up from his chest and spilling hotly down his cheeks, ducking his head down, Benrey held it there between his scraped knees. Claws dug into the sides of his calves and he clutched onto the only available surface, being himself. The branch he was under shook along with his body as he trembled against it. Dewy pine needles rained down onto his huddled form as he wept, pinging against his body like tiny arrowheads only serving to remind him of what would be waiting for him if he ever managed to get back to Black Mesa. No doubt Breen would be mad at him for escaping so he’d probably be even _more_ eager to hurt him than before. 

Just the thought of the scientists uncaring slate eyes made him whimper, red to jade sweet voice building around him in a hazy cloud. Even afterward, Tommy and Forzen would probably be mad with him too. He’d left both of his friends there, all by themselves, his only consolation was that they’d have each other. While he was still out here, in the middle of nowhere on his own. He just wanted his _friends_ back. 

Sniffing, he wiped at his stinging eyes, gathering up all of his hurt, he stored it away deep in his chest, instead focusing on his immediate surroundings. Which, given the circumstances, was a lot of too familiar rocks and trees, but closing his eyes and focusing in on the sounds of the wind rustling the branches above him and the morning birds was grounding enough. It was also enough to remind him of how hungry he was. 

He’d been staving off the sensation while Gordon was around, having been too captivated by the other boy’s presence to really focus on much else than trying to be his friend as hard as he could. But now that he was back on his own that gnawing hunger had returned in full force, a hollowness in the pit of his stomach that pleaded for food. Worrying at his bottom lip with rapidly sharpening teeth he drew in a short breath, quickly scenting the air for any nearby creatures. Coming up with nothing he let out a soft grunt of frustration, wiping his wet eyes once more before descending from the tree. Idly he wondered if the injured mountain lion was still anywhere nearby. 

Padding over to where it had attacked the day before, he inhaled its dissipating scent. The tang of its blood was still heavily intermingled with its smell so he probably had a good chance of finding it in a vulnerable position. Contorting his form to something more lithe and slippery, he followed the mountain lions’ scent over the slope, winding around a large rock outcropping and having to slip through a fast-moving river. The water tugged strangely at his coat as he slipped though it, but he dried of quickly on the other side having to search up and down the bank before finding the trail again. 

Slowly, the animals scent got stronger as he followed it. Exhaustion intermingled with the smell of blood and unease of the trail as he progressed, and finally, he was just outside the mouth of a darkened rock cleft. Red spattered the stone just outside the den trailing deeper in, in an obvious line. He could hear the mountain lions labored breathing from deeper inside and the steady beat of its tail, thumping against the dusty rock. It knew he was here as well. 

A cornered and wounded animal wasn’t optimal prey, but with a few extra modifications he should be alright. Using the mountain lion as a base reference, he strengthened his shoulders and arms as best he could, a thick tar dripping down his form as he reshaped himself and put most of his power into a long, fanged maw. It was less convenient shifting into something powerful on an empty stomach but as long as he could actually _eat_ something, he’d be fine. 

Lunging into the den so not to give the animal any preparation, he opened his jaws in a growl and sunk his teeth into the mountain lions already raised forearm. The claws on its other paw raked over his back as it fought against him with a furious yowl. Shifting his grip to effectively break the bone, he withdrew for a split second, giving the cougar just enough time to pummel its unsheathed hind-paws into his underbelly. Letting out an unearthly shriek as the cat’s claws scoured his stomach, he stumbled back with a hoarse snarl. It wouldn’t matter if he was weak afterward, as long as he could get the kill, he’d be fine. His multitudes eyes blurred from the pain, but as his swaying gaze latched onto the carnivores muscled neck once more, he darted forward. Clamping his notched fangs into the creatures’ throat, he felt its thick blood flood up into his mouth. 

Swallowing around the taste, he let the animals lifeless body flop back the ground with a thud. Licking his jowls, he ignored the sting of pain that flashed through his gut as he eased down on tired limbs to eat. Warm muscle was easily torn through with delicately serrated teeth, and with each gulp he could feel strength flooding back into his weary form. Picking the bones clean then chewing his way through those as well, he settled at the back of the den, not bothering to shift out of the quadrupedal form. 

The kill wasn’t nearly as clean as he would have liked, but it got the job done. It’d been a long time since he’d had to fight for his food like that as well, having grown more accustomed to the various foodstuffs that he’d get in Black Mesa. It was nice not having to _work_ for every meal, but the sensation of hunting brought back the comforting familiarity of Xen. He… He probably wouldn’t ever get to go back there. At least not by any normal means. Flicking his long tail over sore forepaws, he let most of his eyes slide shut, just a few blinking open every once in a while to keep watch while he rested. 

It didn’t take him long to get back into the groove of finding his own food after killing the mountain lion, especially since he had a much easier time of hunting and killing everything else. Nothing was as dangerous as it had been on Xen, but a rocky slope _had_ killed him once after an unlucky placement of his foot. After he’d come back from that death, he’d made sure to steer clear of the cliff, but it seemed to have given him another skeleton and the ability to phase through things. He’d discovered it by accident after almost running straight into a tree after chasing a deer downslope, but instead he’d gone right through it. The deer had gotten away, but with the new skill he was able to make more stealthy kills. It was hard to figure out at first, but he’d eventually got a hang of it after practicing for a while. Navigating inside the ground and thicker objects was a pain, but as long as he remembered the way he’d came in, he was fine. 

As long as he stayed fed and well though, it was relatively easy living. Nights were cold but comfortable and he’d hollowed the mountain lions den out a bit more to fit his larger kills. He did still miss the comfort of others though. He missed watching Forzen and Tommy argue over Beyblades and he missed being able to play videogames whenever he wanted. A cave _did_ get boring over time. But he made do as best he could with what he had. And for having been gone from Black Mesa for nearly two weeks, he was doing pretty good. 

. . . 

Benrey’s eyes snapped open at the sudden presence of _something_ outside his dugout. He’d encountered stray hikers before, not that any of them had actually seen him, but none of them had come out at night before. A familiar smell flooded his nose as he shook his head, still slightly bleary from sleep. There was a quiet crunching of footsteps over leaves that paused just outside his hollow, the scent suddenly registering in his head. Peeling his lips back to reveal sharp teeth, he felt the edges of his human form slipping slightly as he silently crept closer to the person just outside his den. 

His suit was as perfectly ironed as always, flat and sharp edges that almost seemed to reflect in the moonlight. The leather suitcase at his side smelled like a foul cleaner that made his nose wrinkle in distaste. 

He wanted to leap from his spot tucked away and tear at him like he had to the scientist when he’d first been taken from Xen, but he refrained, tucking his barbed teeth away at the sight of Gman’s piercing stare meeting his own. Clawing his way out of the hole in the rock, he confronted the much taller man, staring him down with a flat glare. 

Gman straightened his tie, glancing away uncomfortably after a short moment, an action that had Benrey’s lips curling up at the edges. 

“It took. Much longer to find you, than originally expected.” 

Benrey snorted, kicking the dirt beneath him, “You think I was just going to come back?” 

“I assumed the draw of… My protégé and... The other one, would be sufficient enough.” 

Frowning, Benrey finally dropped his gaze, quickly deciding that not responding to the obvious dig at him would be a better decision. 

Sighing, Gman shifted his shoulders back, puffing his chest out ever so slightly to accentuate his height over him. Benrey technically could grow taller than him, but there wouldn’t be any point, it’d just serve to prove that Gman was getting under his skin. 

“You do understand… I am going to have to, take you back.” 

“Yeah whatever,” Benrey ground out over a snarl, his gaze darting back to the cave behind him for a long moment. 

Waving his hand, a glowing portal opened just off to Gman’s right, “You first then.” 

Turning to face Gman once more, Benrey watched him carefully. Gman still had that oppressive aura about him, but it felt so much less now than it had when Benrey had first encountered him. Something instinctual told him that; maybe not _now_ , but he could beat Gman. If he really tried. So, in a spur of the moment decision, he leaned into his space, letting his teeth grow visibly sharper as he did so. 

“And just because I’m coming back without a fight doesn’t mean you can put me in that _box_ again. Same for Forzen. _Learned_ while I was out here, so you can’t keep me anywhere I don’t want to be. And if you do try hurting either of us again I’ll come for _you_ , and then every other fucking scientist in the building.” 

Gman blinked at him, his eyes widening a fraction as he marginally leaned back away from him. Benrey smirked at the man as he finally stepped back through the portal, landing onto the carpeted flooring of Tommy’s living room. As Benrey glanced behind himself he found the portal already closed so instead of worrying over what things Gman could be pulling, he started down the hall toward his friends bedroom. Before he was able to get there though, he saw Sunkist lying guard in the half open doorway. She lifted her head at his approach, her tail thumping gently against the ground as he gingerly leaned down to scratch her head. His hands were _really_ dirty, so was the rest of him, but his hands were especially so; none of the grime seemed to slip onto Sunkist though. 

“Really are the perfect dog,” he mumbled as Sunkist barked out a soft stream of yellow to black; _glad you’re back_. 

Benrey was about to reply when he heard a sudden shifting from the direction of Tommy’s bed. And low and behold, both of them were there. Forzen, curled up with his head in Tommy’s lap, and Tommy, now sitting upright, and staring at him in the doorway, his eyes glowing yellow in the darkness of his bedroom. 

Almost immediately his friend was launching himself across the room, leaping over Sunkist in a graceful motion and tackling him to the ground. Benrey grunted as he fell back, but allowed Tommy to clutch him tightly to his thin chest. Forzen sputtered from somewhere tangled up in the covers, not even pausing in his cursing to figure out what the commotion was. As soon as he _did_ figure what was up though, he was stumbling across the room as well, his leg caught in the blankets as he struggled into the hallway. Tommy pulled him upright, so they were on their knees, but still kept a tight hold around him. 

Benrey noted distantly that Tommy’s shoulders were shaking as he clutched onto him, and as Forzen settled onto the ground nearby, he looked close to crying as well. As Tommy finally leaned back, still clutching onto his hands like he was going to disappear into thin air, Benrey watched his friends wobbly features, visible tears spilling down over Tommy's cheeks with how bright his eyes had gotten. 

“I- I’m sorry for leaving,” Benrey said quickly, his voice going raspy as he ducked his head, “I didn’t know how to come back, but I didn’t really _want_ to either, but I still didn’t wanna’ leave you guys here-” Benrey choked on tears of his own, ducking his head slightly so neither of them had to see, “I didn’t want you guys alone here but I was _alone_ out there. And I missed you.” 

He waited for Tommy to drop his hand, because he _still_ didn’t really want to be back. But he did miss his friends. He missed them so badly it was a stabbing pain in his chest so much worse than the blades that’d cut him open when he’d first got here because what if Tommy _hated_ him, or what if Forzen wouldn’t forgive him for leaving him behind and not coming back- 

Both of his friends lurched forward, apparently on the same brainwave as he was re-enveloped into two comforting sets of arms. Tommy was saying something that he couldn’t discern over the sudden blinding amount of relief that washed over him as he melted into their grip. Forzen’s creaky groan of sweet voice floated around them as he sang out a faltering tune of calm down blue. Benrey leaned into his friends' grasp as he finally felt the tension drain from him, his eyelids fluttering closed as he leaned unevenly onto Forzen’s chest with his head on Tommy’s shoulder. They didn’t hate him. _They didn’t hate him_. It was the last coherent thought that floated through Benrey’s head before he finally fell into the first comfortable sleep he’d had in nights. And When Benrey woke again that next morning, it was in the same safe grasp. 

As he had forced Gman to promise, there were no more tests, no more burning gazes of scientists watching his every move, no more threats hovering above him with each movement he made. He still couldn’t leave Black Mesa, having nowhere else to go, but it was a better life than before, which was all that he’d asked for anyway, so he guessed it was fine. It didn’t stop him from trying to escape every once in a while, testing the limits of how far he could go. He never got out all the way, with Gman, Breen or a team of security guards eventually waiting for him as soon as he got close to any of the exits. But he’d gotten pretty close, enough to see the sky through a window at least. 

His and Forzen’s room was refurnished to something more livable with actual beds and carpeted floors. It really wasn’t much larger than before, but it was nicer, so he’d take what he could get. And what he could get was surprisingly a lot if he just asked for it. Breen was never happy to be giving them anything. But putting enough pressure on Gman did the trick and got them a PS3; among various other game systems, but the PS3 was the thing Benrey had wanted the most. 

As they grew with each passing year, Black Mesa eventually had to separate him and Forzen into their own separate rooms. It wasn’t too much of a bother with his no-clip ability, being able to slip into any room he wanted but it was annoying having to clip all the way over to Forzen’s room to ask where he’d hidden the 3DS again to keep Benrey from deleting his Pokémon Sapphire game because he kept choosing mudkip like a _looser_ , when treecko was the obvious choice. 

Eventually though, they grew too big for each other as well; with Forzen’s discovery of Irate Gamer only serving to push them further apart because he had _plainly_ ripped off AVGN, but whatever, it was cool; it was pretty funny to see Forzen get heated over it. 

It was a little less funny though when he willingly signed up for the military and Black Mesa let him leave without another word to him or Tommy. Which was really lame, because it made Tommy sad for a while, but as he busied himself in his work with some other new soda scientist that he’d been really wanting to introduce Benrey to for a while, he finally resumed his peppy attitude. There were still moments when Benrey would be lounging on Tommy’s bed while he played his Gameboy and Tommy would be doing his own thing that there was that one missing Forzen shaped piece between them. But over time, even that wound healed. 

Black Mesa offered him a position as a guard in the building since he had nowhere else to go, and it gave him a chance to talk to the other security guards as well, so he readily took it. Only a two of the guys liked gaming, which was a letdown, but they had a date set up later in the day to do some multiplayer stuff in the breakroom, so it wasn’t all bad. Plus, being a guard gave him reason to wander, which was what he was doing right now. 

And then- there was the tapping of heavy footsteps coming from further down the hall. Since this wasn’t really his post, he wasn’t sure what to expect, watching from the corner of his eye as a person rounded the corner with purposeful steps. The man’s curly hair was bunched up in an oddly familiar ponytail, almost seeming to bounce as he walked closer. His dark eyes flashed in the yellowed fluorescent lighting, and there it was again, that same sense of déjà vu. It wasn’t until he was passing by, one hand raised in a wave and letting out a breezy “Howdy,” that Benrey finally placed his face. 

He’d obviously changed over the years, getting taller; not taller than Benrey, but visibly so from when they'd been kids, and growing a scratchy looking beard. His faded freckles were gone but maybe it was just the bulbs overhead obscuring his view. It was still _Gordon_ though. 

So, with a growing smile, Benrey stepped after him, ready to pull more bullshit with his old friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AWAGGHJJHJH thank u to you ALL who stuck through this fic with me!! i started it on a whim and im really glad so many of you enjoyed it! i got kind of sick of writing it at the end, which i feel like you can tell but! i got inspired with this last chapter from all the nice comments u all gave me so! here it is! it's rlly been a joy to write all my fanfics for u guys and im so happy every time y'all say sum positive abt em lol. IM SRSLY SMILING SO BIG!! 
> 
> also. my HUGEST thanks to scp963, kaijol, dinosaurfeathers, and michael_oof YALL DA REAL ONES AND IM KISSIN EVERY ONE OF U!! /p
> 
> thank you ALL for commenting, kudoing and reading tho!! lov y'all and, im going to actually work on my homework now!

**Author's Note:**

> no beta reader so!! feel free to tell me if y'all catch any errors in tha writing!! (also feel free to let me knoe if u guys feel i should tag sum else just in case)


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